It's nothing but ruffage for lunch and punchlines for dinner

Heyo.

I could sit here and spend the first paragraph of this jumbled mess of a blog by noting some semi-noteworthy minutia of my life, but really, my life has slipped into a little bit of a routine, which I'm not a fan of. However, I did hang out at a bar downtown that I've never been to (Mako's, for any of you who happen to care), which was probably one of the most entertaining places I've ever been. But, like I said, minutia is pretty much never interesting if you aren't a fucking celebrity or some ridiculously eccentric person. Granted, I am eccentric to a certain extent, but nowhere near eccentric enough to make anything aside from an obsession with Chicago Dogs, cheap beer, and sloppy music engaging.


I hate censorship pretty much wholly. Honestly, I really try to at least marginally grasp why so many people are so for it, but I just don't get it. Personally, censorship seems like a sorry cop-out on being a proactive parent. If you don't want your kids to play violent videogames, then get a clue and take the damn things away from them. If you don't want your kids watching violent movies, then don't let them. If you don't want your kids doing drugs, you better damn well make sure they aren't hanging out with the kids doing them. It's not anyone else's responsibility to shield your kids from things you don't want them to see, it's yours. I know my parents would make sure that if there was really something they didn't believe I should see, they would make sure I wasn't going to find another way of seeing it (although this might be a bad example, as my parents didn't try and shelter me from any of that really, but more on this in a minute). As far as I'm concerned, if you feel the urge to have kids, then be proactive in their lives. By not being proactive, you can't possibly expect your children to understand any sense of boundaries. I know, it seems retarded that I (the man who really does not like kids at all, in case anyone needed a clue) would be giving parenting advice from anyone, but I feel slightly urged to project my almost assuredly superior intellect over anyone who raises shithead kids.


But honestly, sheltering your children isn't going to save them any trouble in life. Trust me, I've seen it happen, and I am damn glad that I did not grow up in a sheltered household or I would have pretty much gone Ted Kaczynski on someone at this point. I'll use myself as an example, since I'd like to think (although I'm never entirely sure) that I know myself better than I know other people. I grew up in an open household. I was always encouraged to ask questions about things I was curious about. I was persuaded to live for myself, and not up to everyone else's standards (although my parents did hold me to pretty strict academic standards and made sure they taught me proper manners and an open mind).


But I fucked up a lot in high school. I did drugs. I drank myself into oblivion on more than one occassion. I screwed off in school. Didn't take work seriously at all (trust me, I know this is pretty difficult to believe, but ask anyone that used to work with me at the Smoothie Cafe; until the recent procession of retards that have apparently rolled in, I was notorious for being the third worst employee to ever last longer than 6 months). I screwed off in school and massively underachieved all four years. I pissed a lot of people off by being very outspoken and blunt. Etc etc etc.


But through all of this, I got to college and knew my limits immediately. I knew how much time I had to devote to studying to get good grades, and I knew how much time during the week I could go out and get completely destroyed without being too dysfunctional in the morning. I had done my time with drugs, and honestly knew what I was (or wasn't, in this case) missing. Yeah, as a few of my detractors will point out, I didn't have a flawless year, but for the most part, I felt like I was better off altogether by knowing my limits by not having lived a completely sheltered adolescence.


Now, I'm not advocating that you let your children run around with no boundaries or any of that shit. Let's face it, kids are mostly stupid (even if they do have an IQ of 167, they still could end up with their thumb up their ass mailing bombs to random people from a shack in Montana if you don't watch them), and definitely need some sort of structured system of household reward and punishment. However, look at me for one, someone who is very infrequently hurt by words or perturbed by anything considered generally disturbing, and look at European culture, where naked women are not considered so horribly taboo, drinking isn't considered a bad thing, and cursing is just the language that they speak. If you take away the taboo element of drinking, sex, and profane language, there is nothing left to get offended by. It's merely a word, an image, a substance that has plenty of positive effects (as well as some negative ones, if you're a dribble-chin, navel-picking fuckwit who doesn't understand how to carry themselves), and something that everyone else has been able to cope with.

Hasn't anyone come to understand that we are the only one's making anything obscene? Obscenity is completely created by humans alone, and, if nothing else, I think it's a tad ridiculous to worry about the obscenity of certain words and images when we have one of the most obscene histories in the history of the world.

Speaking of obscene things, I think most people who take a glance at this jumbled incoherancy heretohenceforth known as AHT (because seriously, who really cares about the "the" and the "on", they only completely make the name coherant!), know that I like to ramble about dumb things. Today's dumb topic is Youtube videos. There is nothing that is more upsetting than watching a really entertaining youtube video become the victim of too many Sarah Palin lovers enjoying it. Don't believe it? You are probably one of these idiots then that overquotes the My New Haircut video to this day. Yes, Jagahbombsx3 etc. Okay, we got it. You thought it was funny. But I mean really, I actually enjoyed that video until I watched every asshole Seether fan beating it to death like a Pussy Cat Dolls single. So, here's a list of Youtube videos that are never to be quoted again.


My New Haircut
For reasons stated above. That, and it's a little too true to be funny anymore.

Charley the Unicorn
Maybe it was the fact that this was literally the first thing I pretty much did on college campus after my parents left, was get kidnapped by two girls (one who would turn out to be possibly the dumbest person I've ever met, and the other happened to be pretty okay), and watch this. And yeah, it was funny. Until I couldn't even use the urinal without hearing "chaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrleeeyyy".



Salad Fingers
Okay. Salad Fingers is the most terminally unfunny thing to ever happen to youtube. It's just not even slightly funny. Yes, he's creepy. So is John Wayne Gacy, but that doesn't make him a comedic revolution either


Good youtube videos. And yes, this list is inarguable: Phantom of the Office. The whole series. And the mail order comedy bangbus video. That's about it. Sometimes those lyrical interpretation videos are funny too.


Listen, I just really hate sitting on these entries for multiple days. So instead of sitting on this rotten egg for any longer, I just make up some horribly forced bullshit ending like this. And with that, I conclude thee blog.

-Joe

Toby Keith's horses and Toby Keith's men

Hello.

I know it seems as if this is too soon for a new entry, but I was literally sitting on that other entry since late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning. So. I feel like I've been more than a little neglectful. However, this will all change. I knocked out a good amount of the things I've needed to do lately, and even though I still have a lot more to do (memorizing a six page menu, applying for a loan that I've been delaying until the last possible moment, finishing the whole "cleaning the room" thing, getting new tires on my bike, etc), I feel like I've hit a plateau of effectiveness, and as such, need to slack off for a bit.

Being sick is never any fun I've come to realize. Lately, since I've come down with this weird chest congestion thing, I've been totally drained of energy. For real. I can't remember the last time I was up until 4 am. It's been a struggle to stay up until 2, which is really weird for me, because that is usually my peak hours of operation. Funny story actually, I hacked a loogie into my sink the other day under running water (which usually just shoots the little fucker right down the drain), and apparently, unbeknownst to me, most of the loogie just sat there, becoming one with my sink basin. Now, this isn't particularly harmful to me, but I mean, it just sort of shouts "this kid does not have his shit together". I actually prefer to appear as though I do have my shit together (however infrequently that may be), and this crusted loogie that just will not give way to neither Kaboom nor flamethrower is just ruining my whole vibe. Maybe that's why I've been feeling a tad under the weather: this crusted loogie is just throwing off my whole sense of orientation.

There is nothing fun about being around unexceptional people. Sure, I mean, I have plenty of people that I have absolutely no beef with who are unexceptional. But these are the people that I honestly could not see myself being anything more than an aquaintence with in a few years out. However, most of my close friends I believe fall into the category of being exceptional, and this is why they are my close friends. I think that one of the most important qualities that anyone can bring to the table with me is being a challenging and intriguing individual. I find the most interesting thing about people is security in their imperfection, and as such, I try to surround myself with similar people, regardless of what interests we happen to share or not share.

Being boring is no way to live life, and honestly, I find security to be a little overrated. If you never put yourself outside of your element, you'll never grow. It's very much like the risk-reward relationship. The bigger risk you take, the greater the reward will be. And if you fail, why should it even bother you? I've come to realize that fear of rejection is one of the most pathetic and inconsequential fears ever, and if you don't learn to conquer it while the consequences are menial, you'll fall the hardest when it actually matters.

I look at some of the people around me and almost feel badly that they aren't living as vivaciously as they could be. Obviously, this is only my opinion and I hope no one views this as an attack on themselves, but as a general statement. I mean, to me, it seems pretty boring to never push your boundaries and fail to do things that you might later regret. Yes, you might regret going out and getting completely shitty before a 9 am Spanish class, but how many times in your golden years are you going to look back at college life and go "man, that one night I spent studying for my western civilization test was so much fun, I'm glad I really took advantage of the time I had left as a youth before I had to succumb to being completely independent and couldn't go out even on the weekends".

Obviously, there is a time and a place for everything, and yeah, sometimes you have to give up a night of fun to make sure you're not going to fail a class or anything, but most of the time, being conscious in class is pretty unnecessary. And at that point, you have to ask yourself, "what is more important, living life and having a great time, or doing good in this class so I can hopefully get a good job, so I can make it through life?" If you spend your time worrying more about the latter than the former, I pity your situation and your outlook on life. And I don't doubt that a bunch of you are like "god Joe's an asshole, don't you know you don't have to get drunk to have fun?", but I'm pretty sure I didn't make drunkeness as a stipulation of having fun anywhere in here. I happen to have a lot more fun getting drunk and doing dumb things (and I'm also not bothered by the consequences of the morning after), but if being sober is your thing, then more power to you. But don't let my whole point be lost by that. Get out and live, or you'll have already died far too young.

I'm big on these lists, or so it seems. So to follow in the tradition of such lists, I think I'll start my own bucket list. As per usual, some shit is probably really cliche, but eh. Bite me.

Visit every continent
Visit all 50 states
Drive from one end of the country to the other
Live in Australia and Amsterdam
Drop mushrooms at a planetarium during a meteor shower
Skydive
Dive reefs all over the world before they are all gone
Dive an authentic shipwreck
Write a novel and have it published
Put out an album of original music
Make amends with the people I've hurt with no provocation
Never miss another NOFX, Against Me!, A Wilhelm Scream, The Lawrence Arms, or Radiohead show again
See the Mars Volta live
Go a month without using a car
Buy a sports car
Go to the Olympics
Eat a Chicago Dog in Chicago
Grow a beard for 6 months
Learn how to make sushi
Open a restaurant
Become a legitimate bartender
Get tattooed
Scratch out everything on this list (and any future additions) by the time I die

To be continued.

Anyway, I'm gonna go make dinner with a buddy of mine. Maybe we'll bone later? I'm not sure.

Peace,

-Joe

I'm wasted as my time spent sitting idly by

G'day.


Yeah, I fucking used it. That's how us Outback employees work. God, I can't imagine how much fun I'm going to be having sounding like some wage-slave jackass like "g'day lake nona outback my name is Joe how can I help you". Really guys? G'day? I mean, yeah okay, I get it. You're trying to be a pseudo Australian themed restaurant, it's cute. We have to wear safari shirts too like a bunch of touristy jackasses. Isn't the G'day thing just taking it a touch far?


Anyway, I spent last evening pondering a lot of things while reading some fucking horribly contrived and wordy epic poem that makes no sense that I care to actually try and figure out. This was one of those poems (or so they are called. I've never figured out why the fuck anyone would classify 5 quintillion pages of garbage as poetry) where I honestly read the whole thing and completely forgot what I read less than 10 seconds after I finished. Isn't that just the most frustrating thing ever?


No. But I have determined what is. Missing class is practically a requirement of college, but the most frustrating thing ever is actually trying to catch up on what you missed in class from a fellow classmate. I mean, it really shouldn't be that bad, provided you aren't a total recluse in class, but the worst is asking someone what you missed and getting the standard lazy response: "you didn't really miss anything, he just went over some notes, and did a power point, and told us everything that would eventually be on the test, and then stripped in front of the whole class while masturbating to a blown up picture of Bob Barr". Great job. In the words of Matt Leinart's beer bong, you just suceeded at being less informative than Sarah Palin. I didn't ask for a general summary of the goings on of the class, I actually wanted to know what was taught while my drunk ass was busy passed out and shitting his pants with a non-working air conditioner.


Music rules. For the most part. There are some really awesome bands and groups doing really creative and/or fun and/or exciting shit out there, and those are the bands that I love to talk to people about, and introduce people to. But, the bad has to come with the good, and like all bad things, boy do I enjoy making fun of the prodigiously bad shit that people are attempting to pass off as art. I mean, there are some really easy bands to pick on, but that's kinda like trying to beat up a little kid; there is no fun in the lack of challenge. So I'd rather pick on some of the slightly more credible bands, and specifically, how bad lyrics can really ruin a song. I'm an english major, and as such, a total lyric nerd, so lyrics actually do mean quite a bit to me when I'm deciding if I like a song or not. So, here is a completely not complete list of exceptionally bad lyrics I've heard from all bands, big and small.


"Alone in my room with a bucket full of phlegm/I don't need a music scene to tell me who I am"
Wow so. This first one is a doozie. On top of being the most criminally-overrated ska band ever, Tom Kalnoky was so woefully inefficient at writing anything that was supposed to convey some sort of complex emotion of any kind when he wrote the lyrics to "Day In, Day Out". I mean. Fuck man, chill out with the Nirvana-esque teen-angst thing. I mean, okay, you're trying to be rebellious. I get it. But fuck man, plenty of bands are capable of writing even marginally passable angsty lyrics; this is just Alanis Morrisette bad. At least Tom would redeem himself with his work in Streetlight Manifesto.

"Your apathy comes with a price tag after all it seems."
"No one flag flies over the multi-national company/No allegiance to the board's homeland, fellow citizens, the flag born of their country/As the brainwashed nationalists move/To shed their blood on battle fields/War profiteering rich watch their stocks reap high yields."
Anti-Flag is one of those bands that could concievably be seen as an easy target for making fun of bands lyrically. But. They are just way too proud of their ignorance for me to ignore this shit. Really guys, come up with something that doesn't sound like you are desperately trying (and failing) to achieve middle school levels of song writing.

Anyway, I'm going to reheat some fried rice and watch college football today. Going to get stomped by Miami this weekend, fuck yes.

Tata,

-Joe

Minimum wage is a gateway drug

Hi everyone-

Cutting your finger with a pearing knife seriously sucks. After a couple of beers last night watching the debate, I decided it was a smart idea to cut up my temporary debit card with a steak knife. Smart Joe, smart. So of course, I ended up cutting right through my finger. No fun at all, but I guess it's to be expected. In other news, today is pretty exciting for a couple of reasons. One, I'm finally getting around to cleaning my room like I mentioned a few blogs ago. Something about baked fish fillets caked to a plate on top of my printer that really lit a fire under my ass. B, today is our official Hot Dog Heaven journey of the week, which always puts me in a particularly good mood. Nothing like the glory of processed beef and random vegetables to make me a happy little man. Three, today starts my first day of orientation for my job at Outback, which should be a pretty fun time I'm thinking. Probably a bunch of those dumb icebreaker games, but at least that permits me to spend the better part of the night bullshitting, flirting wrecklessly, and being charming and witty. That's just how I roll in this town.

So, 99 percent of bartenders are total dildos. Call me a perfectionist, know-it-all, what have you, but there are some really outwardly bad and lazy bartenders out there. Not for nothing, but the people that hire bartenders are probably even stupider. And this is not me attempting to speak out as some kind of jaded asshole (or maybe it is, and I just don't feel like admitting to it), but there are definitely some bar managers that make terrible hiring decisions all the time. Especially around here. The only way to get a job in a bar around my school is to a. be in a frat, and a decent sized, reputable frat at that, or b. be a hot, slutty girl. Of course, most bars just look at the basics: yeah, being in a frat ensures most of your fraternity coming through the door the night you are working; yeah, being a hot slutty girl means you have guys coming in to drool over you and rail you harder than the basketball team did in high school. However, did anyone ever look at the fact that frat dudes are practically obligated to take care of their brothers with free drinks all the time? Did anyone ever look at the fact that the aforementioned hot, slutty girl is more likely to call out of work because she doesn't feel like standing up after the fact that she just got torn up like it was getting thrown on the internet by a bunch of 300 pound Samoan dudes on a website like Facialsofdeath.com??

Maybe I'm crazy, but for as ridiculous and out-there as a lot of aspiring bartenders are (myself included), we're definitely more reliable, personable, and better at building clientele than these kids who will only continually bring in the same people over and over. Not for nothing, but hiring people with not even a lick of training just for their ability to bring in customers seems pretty ridiculous. You wonder why you have a bunch of dildos coming in and drinking underage (again, myself included)? It's because you train shitty fucking bartenders who don't give a shit about their job and do a mediocre job at mixing together a grand total of 10 drinks, and don't even know the actual names for them. Maybe I just like trying to rock the establishment too much. I dunno. What I do know is that I could do twice as good of a job as any of the fucking clowns behind the bars at any of the local places. But I guess it's my loss, at least until I move up to bartending at Outback in a few months.

Regardless. I'm riled up now. Not that I wasn't when I woke up. I love it when I sign onto myspace and see some mother-at-19 blurting out about how Barack Obama is clearly the antichrist and how he didn't vote for the PATRIOT ACT. I bet 98 percent of the people who think that's a bad thing probably have no idea what the Bill of Rights or the Patriot Act contain. It shocks me how a nation like ours, "the best country in the world", can be so legitimately retarded when it comes to some of the most devastating legislation in the history of our country.

Fuck that. America is not number one; we're in the teens at least. Maybe 12 or 13 tops. Call me an unpatriotic asshole (it's not like I spent 4 years in ROTC or anything). We're so ignorant of our place in the grand scheme of the world. We're a joke. We've fucked up two elections and counting now. Our economy is in the worst shape it's been since the Great Depression. We were sure that North Korea was one of the most evil powers to ever grace the planet. We were positive that it was time to attack them like we attacked Iraq (who was in the same place as North Korea when the war over there started), and in the end, it turned out that they were really telling the truth and only wanted nuclear power. I'm even willing to wager that Iran wants the same thing, and that no one likes the country who clearly doesn't have it's shit together, to tell them to get their shit together.

So let's forget about everyone elses problems for a little while. I hate that this is what it's come down to, but let's fix America. Send the vice president over to try and negiotiate some sort of a temporary armistice between all of the middle east countries for long enough that we can fix our economy, get back into the black, and get our shit taken care of. Then, since America is a perennial gossipy-bitch-with-its-nose-up-everyone's-ass, we can worry about everyone else. But instead of worrying about the middle east (where there is always going to be a fucking war between rogue states who hate Israel), let's worry about the real issues, like Darfur. If we had known the scope of the Holocaust at the time it happened, we would have immediately intervened. Why is this any different?

Okay, well know that I've thoroughly fumed enough, I'm down to end this on a positive note.

Good, good things:

Tom Petty
Awesome songwriter. Sorry, I know I throw all my cred points out of the window, but Tom Petty fucking rules. Seriously, American Girl is 10 times better than anything Springsteen put out aside from maybe Born to Run. Definitely the more consistent of the two, and wasn't the precursor to fucking Bon Jovi. Now that's an accomplishment worth noting.

Neckties
As long as they aren't clip on, and you aren't wearing them with a tshirt, a good, ridiculously cool looking necktie is always a good thing. I have a metallic-looking purple/pink/black one that has interesting geometric steps on it that looks cool as hell. Downside? They are expensive. How I hate being poor.

Aloe
Let me tell you, when dozing on the beach after a couple of high lifes, sunburn sucks. A lot. Florida sucks mostly because you can get sunburn even if it's cloudy as hell out. That was the story of my weekend: sunburn. But with aloe, all the obnoxious stinging is temporarily relieved by this horrible smelling substance. I don't care if it makes me smell like an old man who uses aerosol shampoo and shits his pants daily, at least the fucking burning doesn't burn so badly.

Fried rice
What a great starch. I mean, I think fried rice is really terminally underrated. No doubt better than ramen, although it is more expensive. I just don't understand how people prefer white rice. Ramen has like. Vegetables and shit. And chicken. People, chicken is the best thing ever. When you learn this finally, you will grow. Cope with it. Chicken is the future.

I've totally fried my brain on this one. Still need a haircut. Fuck.

Bye.

Joe

Oh PS I'm shaving my beard into a Fu Manchu moustache later today. Let you know how that turns out.

They want to drop me like an awkward subject

Word.

So today has put me into a particularly sour mood all things considered. Granted, it's only ever the stupid inconviniences that ever really upset anyone, but I've caught a couple that are just supremely irritating. My phone decided it's just not down for working anymore for one reason or another, which is just no fun at all. That, and it seems like I can never own a single computer with a working cd burner, which is a pretty mild inconvinience. What's really put got me over the edge today is how brutally retarded my advanced expository class is.

Firstly, the name of the class alone should signify that there should be more writing than the amount of reading required. This is clearly not the case in this class. Secondly, it should be expected that the readings that are required are by talented writers, and if not talented writers, writers with some grasp of the concept of effectiveness.

But no. Instead, the only fucking thing we've read about has been bleeding-heart, please-pity-my-fucking-struggle-against-the-overtly-masculine-society feminists. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm all for equal treatment of the sexes, and all for women's rights (reproductive and otherwise), but reading all of thise garbage by writers who should be relegated to writing drivel like Twilight makes me honestly despise anything feminism ever stood for. I'm a forward thinking person, and this shit is making me turn caveman on these navel picking dumbshits who honestly think they are changing anyone's fucking minds. Most people who would read this shit would probably end up becoming so infuriated by the end, that women would end up living in crates and eating moldy bread soup. Internment camps? What is yes?

But I know that's not right. I'm down for equal rights and all of that. So if we're going to have equal rights, then toss a few bones our way and look at how privaleged some women have it. Why shouldn't a father get paternity leave? Why is it mostly a dude who has to pay child support to his wife, yet in the rare case that the father wins custody, the wife normally isn't relagated to pay it? Doesn't sound very fucking equal from this side of the table.

So feminism can shove it for all I care; it's about as equal as it will ever get. And not for nothing, but why does it have to be feminism? Women if women are looking for equal rights, why give it such a male disclusionary name? I understand that only a faction of feminists are man-hating lesbians, so why is there any need for it? I just don't understand what I'm missing

Since this was such an outwardly negative blog, how about a round of some of the most comically terrible bands I can think of? I think that's a great idea actually.

Coheed & Cambria
Okay, so yeah, they do have a couple of good songs. A few. Very few, as a matter of fact. The saddest part about Coheed though is the fact that they are being heiled by so many as the future of music, and claimed to be doing such revolutionary things when their last album was a mess of saccharine pop hooks, Van Halen hair metal rip-off moments, and recycled riffs from the Alan Parsons Project. And that's just the music. The lyrics scream "40 year old virgin" more than most early morning weathermen do. I mean really, sci-fi worlds of total fantacy are okay if you are like 13, but once you get through middle school, it's kinda time to give that shit up.

The White Stripes
I've never understood the appeal of the White Stripes. Ever. Even discounting the fact that there is some weird, kinky Hannibal Lector-esque relationship going on between the brother-sister/ex-husband-and-wife/father-daughter duo, this band just makes no sort of concievable decency between the two. So they don't have a bassist? And the drummer is a girl? What's the point? They make flaccid post-grunge radio-rock with a limp-dick, pre-pubescent sounding vocalist, and uninteresting and flaccid choruses. Overrated, and just terrible in general.

Slayer
I think I'm one of the few dudes who both likes metal and has drank High Life on a regular basis for the good part of a year and a half who doesn't understand the appeal of Slayer at all. Yeah, they made really fast thrash metal with lots of arpeggios. But so does Municipal Waste. And the difference between the two is that Municipal Waste is actually fun to listen to, whereas Slayer just comes off as a bunch of 45 year old dildos who are trying to be satanic to retain any semblence of bad-assery they ever had. Fail. Give me lyrics about beer bongs and santanic wizards any day of the week

I'm sure I could think of more, but maybe I'll expand this list later. Right now, I'm about to go make some chicken teriyaki and fried rice. Mmm how I love fried rice.

I need a hair cut,

Joe

Live like a legend and die like an asshole

So-

Long weekend, or so it seems. I guess only having class two days a week makes all weekends seem long. Not that I don't have a full schedule of classes (12 credit hours this semester), I just scheduled them all to end before 3 pm on the two days that I do have classes. Granted, I guess weekends will start seeming much shorter when I begin working at Outback 5 days a week. This week is my orientation , which should be pretty interesting I guess. Then at least I get to see any attractive women that immediately become off-limits. Awesome.

Seeing Against Me! this weekend was definitely an amazing time. That is one band that never disappoints any time I see them. Talk about a live band with tremendous energy, and who mixes setlists to near perfection. This was my fifth time seeing them, and even I heard songs that I hadn't heard live previously, which is always good. Still looking out for them to play "Pretty Girls (The Mover)", but it can't be too far out right?

So recently, I came into possession of a bicycle for the first time in quite a while. This actually excites me quite a bit. I used to love riding a bike as a little kid, and just cruising around seeing the various things to see, and I think I lost a lot of that when I started just relying on cars for transportation. Not for nothing, but driving an SUV like mine is just really expensive. If I can run short errands and not have to actually drive, but merely bike (grocery store, hot dog heaven, going to friends' houses, etc), I could probably end up saving a lot of gas. Already, I've noticed how much less gas I've used driving to and from campus since I started taking the shuttle in the morning. So, this is reasonably exciting.

Have you ever been in a place where you've felt really fucking old compared to everyone else? I mean, I don't even mean in the sense of just physical age (otherwise, I would probably feel really young all the time), but in terms of maturity as well. Last night at the show was pretty disconcerting; the number of small kids was absolutely staggering compared to any previous AM! headlining show I'd seen. I mean literally, kids that were 11-14 years old. I guess my main question is, what happened?

The House of Blues chain. That's what happened. In my mind, it isn't the Warped Tour, or the fact that there are a bunch of crotch licking dildos wearing tight jeans which will eventually (and hopefully) make them sterile, or even the fact that file-sharing has become such a ridiculously popular practice that is making rock music lamer with each day; it's the fact that we have no choice but to go to these giant, corporate monoliths to be able to hear the same bands that we saw just a few years ago rocking the small independent clubs.

This isn't about "selling out". At least not in the sense that most people are probably thinking. I'm all for a band trying to get their message and their music out to as many people as possible, using whatever means they see fit. It's all good to me, as long as they stay true to themselves. What upsets me is the sheer volume of independent clubs eventually selling themselves off to these giant corporate conglomerates just to cash in while they still can. It's hard times for everyone, and while I can't blame the clubs that are forced to shut down, I do blame the ones who sell off their thriving independent venue to a corporation who turns the small, local, fun independent club into a horribly run corporate entity with ridiculous rules about photography of any sort and the "no moshing" rules that pervade some of the venues.

Don't get me wrong: it is good in a sense that parents feel safer sending their kids to a venue with padded barricades, but it's also bad in the fact that you get a bunch of dipshit 14-year olds who don't understand what it means to be at a rock show. So many of them are shocked and infuriated by the fact that some of us like to get fucking rowdy and have a great time during a band, and that the front of the crowd is not a great place to be if you are looking to have a mellow time with your girlfriend. Sometimes, I've felt like going to shows and just relaxing back and watching the music, but in this case, I would have the common courtesy to step back and allow those who really want to get intimate with the band (or as intimate as you can get with nearly 10 feet between the barricade and the stage), to be up front, where they can cause all the trouble they want.

Shows are not a fashion show. The front row of a venue is not the place to be if you don't want to be thrown around a bit and possible get battered and bruised. Shows are not a place for senseless bickering because someone pushed you. Shows shouldn't be a place to be inside your comfort zone, because there should be nothing comfortable about rock music. Push your boundaries and express yourself the way you like, as long as it is not directly and forcibly hurting someone else. Grow up and learn to deal with those around you that you might not always care for, because they will always be there, no matter where you end up.

Now, time for the next edition in "what Joe happens to like a lot right now"

Save-A-Lot
Man, talk about a great fucking grocery store. Yeah, it's a chain, but it's a chain without the ridiculous mark up that even Walmart has. I mean really, $2.50 for a gallon of milk is absolutely unheard of in this day and age, but alas, Save-A-Lot has it. 16 slices of American cheese for 99 cents? Um, fuck and yes? 16 hot dogs for 99 cents? Absofuckinglutely yes. Sunny Delight for 99 cents? They have it. Fucking great store, I'll only shop there and at Sam's ever again I do believe.

Miller High Life Tall Boys
Yeah it's high life. Yes, it can also be really disgusting. But for some reason, this is one beer that just tastes better in the can, and especially when four pints are 2.79. I just can't really explain it, but this is a tremendously good beer when cold. The only thing that sucks is that, for fall, they painted the gold parts of the can to have like a camouflage theme. I saw this and immediately wondered what pooped on my beer. Yeah I know. I'm a drunk idiot, and probably wrong about High Life being so great. But I'm better looking than you, so get over it.

Facial hair
Not having shaved for upwards of two weeks now, I'm actually enjoying the whole beard growth thing. It's pretty sick.

Having a clean room
I actually have a really cluttered and messy room right now, but I figure if I post this here, it'll make me look at it long enough that I'll eventually get sick of it and finally get around to cleaning. But, I do surmise that when I finally get around to cleaning my room, I'll probably greatly enjoy the flexibility that having a clean room grants me.

Toodles,

Joe

Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there

Hello thar.

Talk about a stressful week. Two essays, three poems, and a test, all over 3 days. Rough times. Anyway, I had a blog that I posted earlier, but honestly, it sucked a lot. So this is an attempt at round number two, and I actually think that I have something marginally interesting to discuss this time instead of just bitching about the retards that inhabit my classes and that common form of alcoholism known as college.

I'm perplexed as to where our generation went wrong. Let's face it guys, compared to the past, our generation is pretty epic fail. I mean, we're (and I use this loosely, as I try to believe that there are a few of us who don't subscribe to this crap) so overwhelmingly apathetic (or illigitimately dogmatic) towards the things that really matter, like elections, yet so many put so much stock into completely asinine things, like juvenile relationships. I may sound like I'm full of hot air, because I haven't lived very much (if it all) longer than any one who is reading this blog, but I really feel like there has always been a weird disconnect between my generation and I.

Nonetheless, look back to the 50's and 60's for just a moment; people were allowed (and practically encouraged) to date multiple people. Why? Because everyone back then was fully aware that if you spent all your time seeing and just getting to know one person at a time, the chance that you would find someone actually worthwhile was incredibly slim. This is why people in the 50's and 60's fell in love at such a young age: they dated roughly 4 to 5 times the amount of people that kids in our generation do in the same amount of time. So why then does everyone operate under the assumption that you'll fall in love with the first, second, third, fifth, hell even tenth person that you ever date in your life? Do they really think they are doing something wrong because of this?

I think it's pretty upsetting to see people getting so upset about the fact that they can't make a relationship work, fall in love, and get married. It's these kind of expectations that ruin so many relationships that could be productive and fulfilling relationships, even if they do eventually end. You expect to fall in love, and when it isn't coming naturally, you force it, and eventually things fall apart. It's the grand circle of relationships, and honestly, it's something to avoid easily, but something that our generation hasn't figured out how to just yet. And something tells me that I doubt we ever will.

So seriously, relax. Take things slowly and let things come naturally. You won't find a job at the first place you apply (with a few choice exceptions). You won't win every game your rookie season. You aren't going to get straight a's throughout college at all costs. We all have our quirks and character flaws, but eventually you'll probably find a person who can accept them and still love you all the same. And even if you don't, there is no reason to put your life on hold because you can't find someone to fall in love with. Fall in love with music. With food. With travel. With animals. With friends. With nature. With art. With sports. With Ozzie fucking Guillen. You don't need to love a person or be loved by a person to be complete, and if you are basing your life on this, you are going to end up sad and alone in the end anyway.

All good things come to an end, by one mean or another. Have a good time when you can and enjoy every moment, because you won't be around forever. This isn't The Notebook; you won't die with the person you love at the same time, and you won't ever have completely mutual feelings for each other. It's called life, and it happens, and if you don't start living it for yourself and not putting expectations on what could and could not happen, it's going to pass you right by while you're not even looking, and you'll die unfulfilled and even more alone than ever.

So go out. Meet new people. Get drunk and make dumb mistakes. Or be sober and make dumb mistakes. Do what you do for you and don't expect to fall in love ever. That is the best part about falling in love is the fact that part of it is the surprise of who it will be with, and when it will happen. It's not planned or coordinated. You can't control it. Don't try. Just live and fuck up, and eventually, your fuckups will be rewarded. And if they aren't, who cares? You'll die feeling like shit if you let it bother you.

Here's a list of shit I love, in lieu of the fact that I'm not in love with anyone in the romantic sense. No specific order:
Friends who I can have the best time in the world doing nothing with
Art
Music
Writing
Food
Honest expression
Getting drunk and doing stupid shit
Conversing
The Chicago Hot Dog
Cute girls with great eyes
Chicken wings
Meeting new people
Big parties
Small gatherings
Lyrics
Pepperoni, Swiss cheese, and crackers

This is some of what I love. Ask yourself, what do you love, and are you loving what you love because you can't help it, or are you doing it because you want to love something?

Sex, Hugs, and Cocaine

Joe