25 things I didn't care to know

So recently that whole 25 things meme has been floating around facebook incessantly.  Now I realize that I actually did it too, and that I also encouraged it by tagging 25 people, most of whom I was pretty sure would do it, but really, don't do the 25 things unless you have something interesting or intelligent to say.  So here, I'm going to go through my friends and pick out 16 (because I'm too lazy to do 25) of the most awful things that retards on facebook wrote.  

 

1. i really want a girlfriend right now.--This gets me every fucking time.  Why would anyone WANT a girlfriend/boyfriend/dogfriend?  It's like saying "I want extra stress in my life and don't care who it comes from as long as they are the opposite sex."  Wanting a relationship to me is the dumbest thing ever.  It's promoting settling for someone that you don't REALLY want, but you're just too afraid of being alone and incapable of being interesting by yourself.  

 

2. I masturbate a lot and porn rules. if you don't like it then you're weird dude. --Strikingly personal information for a dumb facebook meme, but I will preface this with the fact that earlier in the note, he admitted to being a virgin.  I don't think I'm the only one in this case who can see why.  Oh, ps, adding "dude" to the end of your sentences on facebook=you clearly hate bacon.  

 

3. i still enjoy breakdowns.--Self-explanitory.  You're just a retard.  Oh, and this isn't interesting at all (much like it's inclusion in this list).  

 

4. i absolutely love it when girls wear those knitted hats and have excellent taste in music. also, when they have any part of their nose pierced.--Dude I don't even have a goddamn clue what you are talking about.  That's like saying "I like girls who play cricket and have got exactly eight parking tickets in their lives."  Like how are the two fucking related at all?  

 

5. i think i'm really good looking--You're not, don't worry.  You also probably thought you were really interesting too. 

 

6. oh! i smoke cigarettes like a motherfucker and i really like when girls also smoke cigarettes.--I've never heard of cigarette smoking being a turn on.  Until now.  You probably also actively look for a girl who still has the track marks from the drano she shoots up weirdo.  

7. i love beejs.--If you're admitting this on facebook, you've never gotten a "beej".  

 

8. One time a girl told me she wanted to have my eyes--This makes you both tremendously interesting and unique!  Ps who gives a shit?

 

9.  i also caught my hair on fire last year and the patch is still growing back.--Can you say "epic fail"?

 

10.  i really want to work with kids; we relate so well.--I'm glad you can relate to creatures with an undeveloped brain.  Why don't you just admit to having an emotional connection with a betta fish?

 

11.  I like sleeping naked.--File under "things I didn't ever want to know, ever."  

 

12. I grew up listening to a lot of Motown and classic rock, so I have a hard time listening to the cRAP of today.--Really guys?  Are we STILL in 7th grade when it was cool to make the cRAP/Rap association?  Plus, Straight Out of Compton is ten times the album than fucking Highway to Hell orZeppelin IV will ever be. 

 

13.  I really want to visit a leper colony one day--Well.  Okay...

 

14.  I don't know how people throughout time have managed to keep their sanity in regards to the pointlessness of it all.--Then why don't you just kill yourself?  Fuck tits man.  

 

15.  No one is to cool for GOD--I am, but you're too cool for spelling apparently.  

 

16.   Mmmmm I just farted.--Brad dated this girl.  This makes said thing much funnier.  

 

Anyway, I'm at home eating ramen between classes because my phone died and I forgot my book at home.  So alas, I cranked this out.  Coming up next: Worst college fashion trends.  

 

xoxo