1. So I'm planning a road trip to Chicago on the first week of May. One of my friends decided she wanted to come, but I lost her phone number. I told her to send it to me in a facebook message, which she did. However, I was bored and waiting to help my friend move, and as such, checking facebook on my phone with a nonworking backlight. So I plugged the number into my phone and shot her a text, but she never responded. So tonight, I'm sitting here downloading fetish porn and eating a salad when I decide to double check the number. Of course, I sent the text to the wrong number. What was the body of the text, you ask?
"RYAN THERIOT IS A COCKSMOKING HOMOFAG"
In case this went right over your head, my friend is a diehard Cubs fan, and Ryan Theriot (who plays for them) is essentially her god. I dunno why either. But alas, I'm just praying that some old person got this text message and is slowly contemplating the remainder of their life.
2. My roomates all suck (see the "you'll never get out of this apartment alive" post). I have gotten so fed up with them that I can't even tolerate to be in the apartment with them anymore. Anyway, they like to go out late at night to various fast food places (or just the freezer to get one of those ridiculous hearty man frozen dinners), and bring back their bro-fuel (or just launch it in the microwave), and then leave the sewage all over the living room table. The other day, it got to the point where I physically couldn't stomach the piles of garbage in our living room. I used up four thirteen gallon trashbags removing the broesidue, a bottle of Fantastick, half a roll of paper towels, and a vacuum cleaner filter. And, while I'm doing all of this, no one offers to help or says thanks. Instead, one of my roommates, in a worried tone goes:
"you're not having a party or anything tonight are you?"
Which almost made me explode as much as coming in from work today to find a fucking PAPER PLATE on the living room table. I'm almost thinking I should invest in a garbage can to put right in front of the couch, although I'm pretty sure one of them would break it much like the dining room chairs.
xoxo
Joe
2 comments:
I laughed so hard when I read who you had hoped received the text to your friend. You never fail to amuse me. Please, continue.
Also, as much as I enjoy reading the stories about your roommates, I look forward to the day you can gtfo. =]
gotta agree Ryan Theriot is a pretty big homo, I hear him and Soriano swordfight, without blindfolds, while fukudome watches....
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