So alas, I guess I'm gonna one of these like general interest blogs to try and hone my writing skill a bit better. I highly doubt anyone will give two shits about what I have to say, but I mean, I guess there are some of the hardcore lurkers that would probably really like to hear my opinions on everything from Sarah Palin to people who ask for ridiculous things at restaurants to being so poor that you have to donate blood plasma to enjoy a good hot dog every now and again. Moving on.
So for anyone who doesn't know who I am (very unlikely seeing as pretty much everyone probably saw this on facebook and went "hey Joe is a dick, I bet he writes some funny stuff though, maybe this will give me some sort of ammo for the next time I get fed up with him and his sophmoric insults"), I spend most of my time drinking, being somewhat amusing, being poor, speaking loudly, and writing now a days. I also spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to string together a million complete thoughts into one sentence using commas, semicolons, etc etc etc. You know I once heard that you weren't supposed to use etcetera more than once because it already implied an infinite thing? Like so on and so on until the end of eternity. Weird fishes.
So what else is really interesting? I mean I'm really long winded obviously, but I think most writers are, otherwise they wouldn't be writers. I enjoy food immensely, particularly Chicago Hot Dogs. What a stupendously delicious food. I think maybe that's what I will make part of this entry about. Food. Gotta love food. Gotta hate how much food costs though. Shit. I've eaten more Ramen in the past week than I've eaten in a year because I'm so retardedly broke right now. Here's a list of the best food I've ever had, in some sort of order.
1. Chicago Hot Dog-
Okay, no contest here. What a glorious revolution in the consumption of processed beef. Whoever came up with this shit is definitely due for some serious fellatio from me because I have never been so consistently wowed by a food until I tried a Chicago Dog. So much so, I actually did an entire Spanish presentation on the Chicago Dog. It was pretty beautiful. Anyway, this beast includes an all-beef steamed hot dog on a steamed poppy seed bun. First, put straight yellow mustard on it, then chopped onions and bright green relish that you can't really find anywhere for some reason. Since I'm too much of a lazy shit to google this, I'll just say that if it is not as bright as a fake plastic palm tree, it's not suitable. Continuing on, then make sure to add a pickle between one side of the bun and the hot dog. Then, two tomato slices, staggered on each side of the hot dog so that at any one time, you should always be biting into each ingredient on it. Top this with a dash of celery salt, and that is your basic Chicago dog. A lot of people prefer a couple of sport peppers on top, but I think it's pretty unneccessary for the consumption of it. No doubt, the best food item I've ever had. Absolutely incredible. I usually hit up Hot Dog Heaven on State Road 50 in Orlando, even though there is a hot dog place right up the street from campus. You just can't beat a Chicago dog, a heap of fries, and a side of macaroni salad, as well as a 35 cent lemonade refill from their plastic mugs (in a variety of colors for $1.69) for $6.65.
2. Howley's Tomato Bisque Soup-
What is "Yes"? The location is non-negiotiable. It must be from Howley's on Dixie in West Palm Beach, because goddamnit, this soup is fucking marvelous. Rich and creamy and just fucking fantastic with about three packets of oyester crackers in it. The chunks of god-knows-what deliciousness in the bottom are also pretty amazing. Plus, Howley's has a really sick selection of beers, from good microbrews like Rogue Deadguy to PBR Tallboys. Can't ever go wrong. I normally get water because I am a poor bitch though. The one drawback-they only serve this amazing bowl of food perfection on Mondays. Le sigh. If you are there any other day though, the French Dip with sweet potato fries is the way to go.
3. Green Bean Fries-
Ah yes. Love love love TGIFridays. Always loved it. Usually it's not one to stick out a whole lot, but I remember as a little kid I used to always get their Cup of Dirt as dessert (essentially chocolate pudding with oreo cookie crumbs and gummy worms). Now, I'm addicted to these little beasts. Maybe I'm just really weird for enjoying things like green beans, but I'll be goddamned if breading them and deep frying that shit does not make it a million times better. Absolutely beautiful, and whatever that fucking sauce they give is ill as fuck. Yeah I just used ill. Brother Micah is rolling around in his future grave. Gang banger.
4. Mcdonalds Chicken Biscuit-
There shouldn't be any fast food on my list of greatest foods ever. It's just not right at all. But McDonalds, for all it's ridiculous culinary missteps throughout the years, came up with a really fucking transcendently awesome piece of breakfast. The premium all white meat fried and actually crunchy chicken perfectly compliments the biscuit which, if made correctly, should ooze butter off of it. So horrendously unhealthy, but so beautifully amazing. The only points this gets off is that it's availability is limited to before 10:30 (not an hour I see very often) and it's fast food (and thus absolutely terrible for you)
5. Firehouse Italian-
Okay so it was pretty much a complete toss up for position number 5 on this one. At first, I was going to give it to the Qdoba Chicken Queso Burrito, but honestly, Firehouse makes the most consistently awesome subs out there now. Whatever the hell they put on their Italian subs just makes them absolutely mouthwatering. For a runner up, the meatball is also really bitchin'. Don't be afraid to try around, but I always come back to the Italian without fail.
6. California Roll-
Yes, I am a sushi junkie as well. It kinda sucks too, especially being on a budget as a college student. Sushi is awesome though, and if you don't think so, go bury your head in a hole. I'm pretty bad at remembering what I get when I go out and get sushi, so I pretty much keep it basic and get a California roll (or, if I'm feeling particularly adventurous, a Volcano roll). I think back home I always used to get a roll called a Y2K roll, but that might be a colloquial thing and trying to think of what the fuck was in it is way too taxing for my lazy ass right now. So. To recap. Sushi=excellent. Anyone who says otherwise=troglodite. Kthx.
7. Lobster Tails-
Usually, doesn't matter from where, but man Maine lobster tails are the shit. I could eat about a dozen of those motherfuckers all day every day. Especially with drawn butter and just a little bit of fresh squeezed lemon. However, price especially for this one makes it a difficult thing to come by. But for my 16th birthday, my present was pretty much a 10 pound lobster from New York Prime in Boca. It was pretty much the most epic thing I've ever downed.
Okay so now that I've ended that list on an awkward enough number (who really ends lists on number 7? That shit's just awkward), I think I will conclude this blog by a great lyric that I'm digging a lot lately. Extra points if you can guess what it is without using google!
What's the closest you can come to an almost total wreck and still walk away,
All limbs intact?
And when I go, you'll be there crying out, begging me.
I won't hear.
I'll just go fast into this night on broken legsBe easy,
Joe
