The Future is Unwritten

Howdy fellow dildos/dildettes!

I wonder if dildettes would be the feminine form for dildo? Maybe it's dilda? I'm not too sure on that one. What I am sure about is that George O'Leary is the biggest piece of shit in college football ever. I'm normally not one to have much pride in my school's football team because I don't think that you can be even slightly impressive in the grand scheme of the BCS when you are playing in Conference USA against such fucking impressive programs as Rice, Houston, Marshall, UAB, and SMU. Granted, ECU is in there too, and they have had a solid (if completely variable) season thus far. Tulsa isn't bad either, but I digress. To put it plainly, the UCF Knights are currently the worst team in college football as far as I am concerned, and it's only getting worse from here.

With Kevin Smith off being the Detroit Lions only hope for mediocrity, Rocky Ross out for the season with an epic fail collar bone, a completely non-existant offensive line, three quarterbacks who panic quicker than a nun in a strip club, and possibly the worst field goal kicker in the history of the NCAA (1 for 4 on the season so far!), It's only bound to get much, much worse when Ross' absence is felt in full force this weekend against SMU. Hey, the Knights were blown out by UTEP (ranked 110 out of 119 teams in Division IA football last season), so a loss to SMU would just make the season perfect. It seems as if the Knights blew any modicum of talent during the last quarter of the fourth quarter of the game against USF at the beginning of the month.

But done with football talk for right now, because it's just going to get me angry that every sports team I've ever liked will always end up being a completely epic disappointment. The White Sox blew a 2.5 game lead by losing to the fucking Royals and the Indians in a pretty epic fashion and now have less than a 30% shot at making the playoffs. The 96 Panthers made it to the Stanley Cup only to be completely dominated by the Avalanche. The Knights are just epic fail on all accounts except for Joe Burnett's punt returns and Blake Klingon's punts. I mean, the Celtics did win the title last year, but I care about basketball least of any of the sports, and I almost picked Boston just because they were dominating, and they had (in my opinion) 3 of the best players in recent NBA history (Garnett, Allen, Pierce). I guess I should be pretty happy that the 49ers aren't a complete bomb this year now that they have a quarterback in JT O'Sullivan who can at least throw for over 200 yards a game somewhat regularly (even if he was a piss poor 18-for-36; Matt Leinart was even loling at that in between shotgunning bottles of Cristal while watching Kurt Warner's old ass still holding onto the starting position).

But enough about sports for right now. I always love to list things because lists are just such an easy way to convey shit that I like, especially when that is literally the only qualifier of the list. I realize that I tend to forget some really amazing things on my super specific lists, so here's just a shot at a list of things I'm currently digging:

Lemon Jelly-Lost Horizons
This is actually kind of a weird album. It's like instrumental and sort of electronica, but it's too happy and cheesy to really fit into electronica. It's just really pretty and relaxing music that I can put on and just jam out to whenever. Nice Weather for Ducks is a great song to listen to when it's pouring rain outside (which it did today. Not cool.).

Crabcakes-
Okay, I usually try and avoid making such definitively factual statements such as "Darkwing Duck is clearly superior to Chip and Dale" (even though this statement is absolutely factual in every sense of the word), but crabcakes are fucking stellar. What could honestly be better than fried crab meat? Sex? Nah, crabcakes are so much more outwardly consistent and excellent, and they don't require you to cuddle after you finish.

Girls Sunglasses-
(No homo). Girls sunglasses>guys sunglasses, without a doubt. Most guys have horrible taste in sunglasses anyway, so maybe that's why, but girls sunglasses are just mostly way cooler looking and much more versatile. Plus, for $5.80 at Forever 21, you can get a pair of really ridiculous chick sunglasses. Plus, most girls sunglasses have the gradient lens, which pretty much make them acceptable to wear at any time of the day.

Chuck Klosterman novels-
Chuck Klosterman is without a doubt one of the most entertaining writers I've ever had the privalege of reading. He's a bit of a pop culture nerd, but he's also got some amazingly insightful essays and everything I've read from him has been very easily accessible. Plus, anyone who can intelligently trash Coldplay deserves a motherfucking medal.

Joe Strummer-
I'm sure absolutely none of you started reading this blog based solely on the fact that the title is a very famous quote from the man himself. However, if anyone did, I would like to propose marriage to you. Joe Strummer is probably one of the best songwriters to come out of the 20th century, 2nd to the Beatles as a collective whole. And if you think Joe Strummer died when the Clash broke up after a string of fairly mediocre records, throw on the post-humous release by Strummer's post-Clash outfit, Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros's Streetcore. Such a fanastic record.

Anyway, I'm falling asleep in front of the lappy after the abuse that my liver and immune system took this weekend. Waking up and still feeling totally drunk at 9:30 is such a fantastic feeling. Not for nothing, but I have papers to write that have been procrastinated on long enough.

However, before I roll, I 'd like to take a moment to ask anyone reading to ask a couple of people to direct their attention to my blog and give it a glance. I'd like to see some more traffic and some more opinions flowing about my writing and style. So if you could act like whores for me for just a few days, that would be totally fanastic.

Bon voyage, all
Joe