So love what you are, not what you would like to be

I realize that almost every time I sit down and try and write something lately, I end up drawing a blank. I mean, I was able to write some pretty great lyrics and stuff last night that had been stewing for a while, but even then, before that, I hadn't been legitimately able to come up with anything since my 14 pages of ass painting almost a month ago. In essence, writers block is no fun at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd rather pass a kidney stone than sit here and fucking stare at a blank screen/piece of paper/etc for another moment of my life. Yes, this long paragraph was essentially to preface the fact that I have nothing light-hearted and interesting enough to post here. And since no one wants to hear me bitch about trivial personal issues, I'm just going to share a bit of a vision I have for my future.

I've decided that once I become moderately successful, I want to open my own bar/restaurant/venue. And no, I don't mean some gigantic fucking monolith like the House of Blues with it's 5 dollar beers, Disney appeal, and overpriced food. No, I'm looking for more of the classic dive bar appeal. Not so dirty though. In fact, if anyone has ever been to Market Street Pub in Gainesville, the layout would probably be very similar to that. I want to make it a bit different than most of the other bars around here.

Instead of focusing on just having free shitty beer, free gutrot well drinks, etc. I want to focus on having interesting and quality beers. Obviously there would be all of the typical American staples like Bud/Bud Light, Miller Lite, etc, but I also want to have a big selection of beers that are both cheap and great. Pabst Blue Ribbon is pretty readily available in a lot of bars, but I want to have stuff like Stroh's, Old Style, Yuengling, National Bohemian, Lone Star, Carling's Black Label, etc. Oh, and I'm going to make sure that Yuengling does NOT cost more than Bud or Miller, because it really doesn't, and it's total bullshit that every bar does that. No excuse for it.

And while my bar will have plenty of things, there are a few things that we won't have. Number one is blenders. Fuck blenders. Fuck frozen drinks. They don't even get you drunk that quickly. I'll make anything that you would normally get frozen on the rocks, no problem. But no fucking blenders. Also, there will never, ever, be any Natty Light/Natty Ice/Keystone/Busch/etc inside my bar. Cheap beer doesn't mean that it needs to taste like ox piss too. And, although I don't think I'll kick out anyone who is actually paying, there will be a Guido-free policy inside this bar.

Food-wise, my bar is going to stand out a lot. So many bars who serve food, unless it's inside of a restaurant already, have some shitty food. My plan is to have a good variety of quality, bar style food. I want to have burgers with a wide variety of usual and unusual toppings, Vienna beef hot dogs which you can get with a myriad of toppings (including genuine Chicago style), fully-loaded quesadillas, fresh made spinach/artichoke dip, loaded cheese fries with ranch, breaded or naked chicken wings with a myriad of sauces (mild, medium, hot, nuclear, teriyaki, cajun--the list is limitless), and other such excellent things. I'm still working on the menu.

There will definitely be drink specials, but no way will it be like the shit around here. Cheap beer and two-for-ones on decent stuff. However, my main attraction will be the Wednesday special. Free BLT Wednesday's! Originally, I was going to make it just free bacon wednesdays, but free BLT works better. By coming in and ordering at least one drink, you get a free small BLT. The best part is that bacon is so salty that it will make people thistier, and it's not going to be big enough to suffice for an entire meal.

The best part about this is that I won't just hire dumb frat guys or people with 2+ years of high volume experience. Anyone who has a great personality, works hard, and is willing to learn has the same opportunity to become a successful bartender. Oh, and because I rule, there will be good music all the time. Furreal.

So that's the basic outline of how awesome my bar will be. I don't know when it will happen, but I am determined to make it happen before I die.

-Joe