This year I'll live like I've never lived before

Brendan Kelly, I love you, but your year end list was disappointing. So, in the spirit of that, I'll be making my own year end list. I mean, I haven't thought this out too well, and I feel like posting right now as opposed to getting the rest of my life in order, so here goes nothing?

All the Heroin on Tamarind-The best and worst of 2008

Best discovery (overall discoveries category)-Hot Dog Heaven
To say that Hot Dog Heaven has changed my life would be a dire understatement. Never before have I been so affected by what should be such a pedestrian food. But the difference is that HDH is pedestrian food as art form. For me, someone who hates raw tomatoes, to be able to enjoy a hot dog with them, much more consider this hot dog to be the greatest culinary innovation on the planet, is a statement in itself. I don't know where I will be moving after college, but I do know that the presence of a place where I can get a good chicago hot dog is going to be a factor in this.

Worst discovery-Joose
This will one day be the death of me. For those unaware, Joose is a caffeinated malt liquor with 10 percent alcohol. It comes in a 24 ounce can, and it's $2.50 a can from 7-11. I think you'd be better off drinking a 12 pack while snorting an 8-ball of coke. Oh, and did I mention it tastes like paint thinner?

Best show-The Fest 7
This is an absolute no brainer. In fact, it'll probably never change for as long as I'm alive and the Fest is around. Being with good friends that I don't get to see very often, and drinking metric fucktons of Pabst Blue Ribbon, while seeing some of my absolute favorite bands play to probably the best crowds on the planet--I can't imagine anything I'd rather be doing on the last weekend of October. Highlight-The Lawrence Arms playing The Raw and Searing Flesh/The Disaster March and Paint it Black playing a rogue show in the back of a uhual in a parking lot.

Worst show-Streetlight Manifesto in the spring
Now, while this wasn't the worst show I've ever seen, in terms of the high caliber of shows I've seen this year, it ranked near the very bottom. In fact, this show was actually pretty good. Streetlight played solidly, even though their support (Zox and Dan Potthast) were pretty bad. The worst part about this show was how predictable Streetlight has gotten live. I've seen them 5 times now, seen many of the songs off Everything Goes Numb at least 5 times, and still, I'm missing out on some of the best of their new stuff. Of course, the fact that most of Streetlight's fans are ignorant little teeny boppers who probably still tattoo shit like "rap sux" on their Trapper Binders probably didn't help either.

Best book I read-Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
I've passed this book around to a lot of my friends, and gotten mixed reactions. In terms of overall continuity and plot-line, there really isn't one. In fact, it's a book of collected pop-culture essays, so it tends to be very scatterbrained. However, it's a great read. Klosterman has a great way of boiling down lofty academia into happy hour banter and applying it to pop-culture. It's pretty great. Honorable mentions: Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski and Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck.

Gayest music I started listening to this year-Kate Nash
Yeah, hard to deny the extreme overarching gayness of a heterosexual male enjoying a Cockney Pop Songstress. But everything she does is just so catchy!

Bands/groups that put out good albums that I don't really care to elaborate on, just listen if you're not gay:
The Gaslight Anthem, Girl Talk, The Mars Volta, Paint it Black, The Hold Steady, Kanye West, Subtle, Sun Kil Moon, Dillinger Four, Murder by Death, Pg.lost, Nada Surf, Polar Bear Club

Hero of the year (not sports category)-Barack Obama
I'm Just putting this because honestly, he's the first presidential candidate I've ever been really excited over, and I'm really eagerly anticipating some of the things he's going to do. Honorable mention: Brad Newton, for creating Rocket Fuel as an alcoholic drink.

Dickhead of the year (not sports category)-Bernie Maddoff
50 Billion dollars. Although I do give him props for keeping his retard circus going for so long. Honorable mention: Brad Newton, for having the worst opening podcast in the history of opening podcasts.

Hero of the year (sports category)-Mike Singleterry
49ers are going to the playoffs next year, I can already feel it.
Chase Daniels-Because god, your mom and two sisters are ridiculously gorgeous. Hook a brother up.

Dickhead(s) of the year (sports category)-Nick Saban, Tim Tebow, Andre Smith, Lou Holtz
1. Nick Saban-Good Fucking game, suspending Fat Albert from the Sugar Bowl. It's cool, it's not like Utah is even kinda good.
2. Tim Tebow-Shove your fist pumps up your goddamn ass. I hope someone finds a bunch of Thai boys strung up in your closet. Oh, and you misspelled He15man by the by. It's actually spelled He14man. Suck that you creepy motherfucker. Also, posing with a small child in the heisman pose, while wearing fucking CROCS. Nice fail. Tim Tebow, I can't even put it into words how much I hate you. Go die.
3. Andre Smith-Your tits are bigger than Lendale White's. What team rule did you break now? Eating twinkies on the sidelines?
4. Lou Holtz-I've just never liked Lou Holtz. Fuck you. You aren't funny you senile old bastard.

Beer of the year-Pabst Blue Ribbon
No need to elaborate. Great fucking beer. I didn't really try any new beers this year that blew my mind. Mostly, I had tried most of them last year. This is why Cable Car Lager didn't win this category.

Worst Beer of the Year-Natty Light
Again, this is like claiming Nickleback is the worst music ever. It's an easy target, but it's absolutely true. I had never tried natty light prior to this year, and I think I'd like to stay away from ever drinking it, ever again. Ugh.

Best Quote(s) of the year:
"Sup Gorgeous Body?"-Christopher Aristotle Onassis Gerecke
"If cheating on you involves me eating a waffle that you didn't cook ten times, then yes, I am currently fucking the shit out of that waffle"-John Jennings
"Sex to me is like death to Harry Potter: Almost, but not quite, multiple times"-Jonathan Wesley Hussein Swick

Best AIM transaction of the year:
Channing Custis Monkeyhustle HepKat Freeman: "I love ice water so much, because just when you are like 'aw shit, I'm out of water', it's like 'no, there is still the ice cubes'"
John Arturo Macarena Hanson: "I see"
CCMHF: "I hate you so much"
JAMH: "What do you want me to say?"
JAMH: "Yes this is why I love ice water as well my friend"

Overall Best thing of 2008:
Joe Costa.

hugs and cumshots,

Joe