All my friends are going out tonight

So, I haven't made a really good entry all week. Consider it a bit of a "I have too much other shit going on" hiatus. Anyway, this'll be short. Today starts my favorite weekend of every year. I'm gonna go get drunk and watch bands with a bunch of grumpy dudes in beards pretty much all weekend. Yay for traveling, even if its only two hours. I'm pretty excited, if you can't tell. So uh, try and fare without me. On the real.

-Joe

He holds his tongue like he holds his liquor

Well weekends are a lot of fun.

Since I've already told the story a thousand times, and that would make for way too interesting of a blog anyway, I'll sum all up in singular words and fragments. Good friend visiting. No PBR. SPARKS. Condom costumes made out of garbage bags. Sexy Sarah Palin. Being too drunk for common sense. Running around Northgate Lakes. Rejoicing. Breaking down. Throwing keys. Blackout.

Wake up. Too much energy. Walk around neighborhood. Work. Out of work. Storytime! Drinking "Four". Wormwood oil. "Harry Dies" spoiler note. Sparks. The Gatherings. Holy Cow. Beer pong. Retards in game stop shirts. Whataburger. Everything in it's Right Place. Northgate? Blink/Blackout.

Drive to Turkey Lake. "Harry doesn't die but thanks for the note anyway ;)". Fin.

Yeah, so glad that you just caught up on my weekend. It was probably a lot more interesting than I will give it credit for in this blog, but it's one of those things that I will just end up appreciating writing about in here a lot more in 6 months or so. Anyway, I feel like this blog has kinda lost a lot of it's fun lightheartedness. So maybe I should bring that back a bit. This week has just been working to test my patience prior to the Fest. I mean, at this point, I'm not even too upset about anything that happens, merely because I know how excellent this weekend is going to be. Tomorrow, after Hot Dog Heaven, I'm picking up 4-12 packs of Pabst Blue Ribbon. This might spell my demise, but I'll be goddamned if I'm not completely prepared to have the best time of my life.

So I mean. I dunno. I've had a really interesting last two days. For one, last night I pretty much had to do 13 journals based on random lit readings that I had all but forgot about, so I went to Dunkin Donuts and got an extra large coffee or two and burned through the night getting that done. At one point, it was such blantant bullshit that I just called myself out mid paragraph. I was like "yo Cato, on the real, I'm pulling all of this out of my keeshka. Let's just quit pretending and let me finish this woefully insufficient entry on a slightly funny side". Speaking of though, I think I've picked up an addiction to coffee lately. Granted, I still need at least 10 creams and sugars to enjoy it at all, and I think I mostly enjoy the fact that I get wired like a crackhead and end up having even less tact than usual.

So I miss doing these retarded lists of stuff that I am enjoying. So, pretend coffee was number one on this, for the reasons listed above.

Getting Paid
This is a great feeling. I like having money. Now all you fuckers come into to Outback take away and order a bunch of food, so I can get more money

Homemade condom costumes
Yeah, pretty much the best college Halloween costume. Gets all the right attention, plus people know that you didn't show up to the party to find a snugglebuddy. Beliedat. Maybe I'll post a picture when it's not you know like 4:10 am.

Rice
I used to not like rice at all, but I'll be damned, I guess I have grown up. I mean, white rice is still wholly worthless, but flavored rice is probably my favorite starchy food. I really like broccoli and cheese flavored rice. Talk about delicious. Chicken fried rice with the little bits of scrambled eggs is also pretty great as well.

Sparks
Man, so I never really partied too much with sparks until recently. However, this weekend, my drunkeness was dominated by the abuse of alcoholic energy drinks. I do have to thank Sparks though, because even after drinking quite a bit on Friday night, I woke up on 5 hours of sleep on Saturday morning ready to take on the world. Also, I tried this stuff called Four the other day, which is essentially Sparks, but with 10 percent alcohol, and wormwood oil (the crazy shit that they make absinthe out of) in it. Talk about some crazy shit right there.

Sleep
This is what I need right now. No energy=peace out from Joe land.

-Joe

Crowdsurfing from epileptics.

Phew.

I am tired, or so it seems. I just got back from seeing that band I was telling you about, about an hour ago. Apparently they are called Rise Against btw. Whatever, I was close. Show was pretty great. I ended up with an all-access pass which was pretty excellent. Talk about feeling pretty boss. The only gripe I really had was that some of Rise Against's fans are really horribly lame. It's pretty much bro central. I can't count the amount of times I heard "dude I'm getting so fucked up after this" or "They don't drink? What faggots". Normally, I think it's pretty incessant to complain about bros, but there were just so many, and they were all so fucking obnoxious during the show. That, and I can't even count the amount of retarded high school underclassmen who apparently have never figured out a decent way to crowd surf, and as such, feel the need to kick and flail constantly.

Anyway, so I think it's really prudent to inform the five (and that's wishful thinking) readers of this blog that I am currently sitting in the most cliche example of a college apartment bedroom ever. Currently, I'm surrounded by a veritable cesspool of inactivity and developing alcoholism including, but not limited to:

An empty can of PBR that is at least three days old, wrapped in a free Smokey Bones BBQ beer cozy
A half empty bottle of Budweiser American Ale (which shouldn't really be a college cliche, because it's way too expensive for most college students)
A McDonalds cup that, a few days ago, actually contained a chocolate milkshake.
Both guitars, sitting here, and probably out of tune
A plate that at one point contained one of those Tostinos mini pizzas
Assorted completely irreverent acutrima scattered all over the floor
About a key chain bottle openers
Decks of cards, stained with beer, and almost assuredly missing several cards
Books. Somewhere. Probably buried under stuff.
A coffee cup full of bottle caps
My non-working cellphone

You get the idea. My room radiates a cesspool of apathy at the moment. After going through all of this, I feel like it's almost necessary to clean it up. But then again, I could not an be just as functional. Anyway, that's not very interesting, so fuck talking about the current level of dishevelment in my room.

So we're back to workshopping in creative writing, and god is it just as bad as it's ever been. The retard who wrote the poem about Weezer or whatever last time, decided to do his non-fiction piece as a script. Like a movie script. Yeah. He's got essentially five pages of dialogue with no action. In fact, I bet that if it was widdled down to an actual non-fiction manuscript, it would have made MAYBE a page and a half. Not for nothing, but it was one of those typical "pity me, I'm the nice guy" stories. To any idiots who honestly think that the unassertive nice guy ever REALLY gets what they want, I hate to inform you that you are completely mistaken.

Sure, are a few guys who will say "well I have a girlfriend and we go great together". I'm sure that's true, at least partially. However, was she your first choice? And honestly, aside from the fact that she clearly accepts you for you, chances are that she was not someone that you would have qualified as your dream girl. No, you got stuck with the leftovers after the assertive guys had their way. I'm by no means saying that the assertive male will ALWAYS get what he want, but he'll get it much more often than the unassertive, nice guy will. And don't just take my words as empty, trust me, I've been there. I've learned the hard way that being unassertive will get the girl that you are in love with blowing the black guy in the bathroom.

There is nothing attractive about a lack of confidence, and being unassertive is directly correllated to this. Typical gender roles are the way they are for a reason, and one person, or even a thousand people won't change this. You're only as worthless as you let yourself be. No one cannot change for the better, unless they convince themselves that what they are is what people find attractive (when it clearly isn't). Hell, the only thing you have to change is how you view yourself. I'm not trying to cast stones, because even I have issues with this sometimes, but nonetheless. If you carry yourself with confidence in all that you do, people will gravitate toward you.

There is the basic message of all of those alpha-male books summed up in like three paragraphs. Now all of you self pitying dicks and chicks, go out and make me proud. You're all beautiful. Just not as much as me.

-Joe

Women and the children first

Fast food sucks.

Seriously, every time I eat that shit, I am reminded within ten minutes of why I should never eat that shit. Yeah, I understand that sometimes fast food does taste really good, and that it's a quick alternative to having to cook dinner and all, but for fucks sake, I think I'm going to try and swear off fast food for the rest of my life. Nothing good comes from it seemingly. In fact, I'm going to make a strong attempt to not eat any fast food aside from Hot Dog Heaven (which hardly qualifies), for the next three months. Not even taco bell. Fuck how expensive it is, and fuck how it makes you feel afterwards. After I eat fast food, I feel the same way that I do after I drug a hooker that I haven't yet paid and walk out on her, after skeeting in her hair. Just guilty.

But on to topics that aren't burning a hole through the bottom of my toilet bowl right now. Life for me is a giant balancing act. I care a lot about music and literature, and have a very high level of quality control for both, which is why you won't catch me reading any limp-dicked Chuck Palahniuk book any time soon or listening to a Forever the Sickest Kids album. Unbeknownst to a lot of people, I do also like visual art quite a bit, and while I'm not a complete art nerd, I do enjoy art a lot. But for all of the energy I invest into music and literature and art, I seem to have completely overlooked movies. Which sucks, I feel like I have really underdeveloped taste in movies.

Yeah, it's weird like that. You'd think that someone who is pretty cultured such as myself would really have pretty awesome taste in movies, but no. It takes very little to keep me entertained. Maybe that's why my three favorite movies are Ocean's 11, Legally Blonde (and I can still quote the majority of the lines from it), and Pan's Labryrinth (probably the only movie on this list that has any sort of higher level credibility). Other than that, I am mostly entertained by typical comedy stuff like Zoolander, and Superbad, and other garbage comedies. It's pretty sad. People talk about how their life was like affected by movies like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Requiem for a Dream or something, and I just can't get into stuff like that. But I mean, I guess that the opposite applies for the girl who considers both The Garden State and the first Senses Fail album to be masterpieces of our time.

So reccommend me some movies that will make me feel like less of a navel picking retard for liking. And no, don't reccommend The Notebook. The last thing I need is some vapid and hopelessly cliche love story. Kthx.

In other news, I'm interviewing this little band that you guys have never heard of tomorrow. They just put out a new album called Appeal to Reason which is actually really good. They had some crappy acoustic ballad a couple of years ago, and then got on Guitar Hero somehow. Not with that song. Some other song. I dunno. They are called like Rage Against, or Rise Against the Machine, or something like that. Plus they are straight-edge. What weirdos. Ah well, I'm sure it'll be fun. I heard they're playing with a bunch of hot topic bands though which is a bummer. So I'm going to the House of Blues for that tomorrow. Should be interesting.

Anyway, it's time for bed and time to hope that this horrendous emphyzema-esque cough will go away soon. Then maybe I can get rid of the case of the mudkips that have been plaguing me since the first bite of that Big Mac after work.

Peace,

-Joe

If I could only be half the things you write about in your songs

So class has been nothing but unnecessary stress. Being surrounded by retards almost guarantees that it will cause stress because no one has their shit together. Like for instance, Lit class, class got canceled last Thursday, meaning that the in class discussion for Thursday is being combined with the in-class discussion for Tuesday, and is now also being combined with the Thursday discussion because this pale dicked motherfucker cannot make it to class then. Awesome, so instead of having to read two of these readings, I have to read three, and understand them enough to figure out what's going on and discuss it. There is no doubt in my mind that the class part of college is the worst part. I love the partying, the meeting new people, the football, everything else. Hell, I even like working my job because at least I'm getting paid, but class is just unnecessary stress and a total financial burden. And don't even get me started on some of the speds in my creative writing class (file under "more workshopping? fuck yes!).

So I like traveling. What sucks is that being an employed college student with rent to pay makes this incredibly difficult to do. However, if I had a choice of careers in an ideal world where such a ridiculously ludicrous career did exist, I would love to get paid to just travel everywhere, all expenses paid. I know, it's totally unrealistic, but I can dream right? So, here is a list of places that I am going to try to travel to, ASAP.

Australia
Yeah, I know that I've already been here. But I fell so hard in love with this place when I went that I've been trying to find an excuse to go here ever since. The people there are all gorgeous (for the most part) and extremely friendly. No idea where we went wrong.

Amsterdam
This is pretty much self explanatory. The debauchery capital of the world? I'm so there.

England
Mostly because the 2012 Olympics are here, and I think that going to the Olympics during a trip to Europe would be pretty amazing. Plus, this is where I plan to propose to Stephanie Rice. So, gotta be in the same place she is.

Italy
I surmise that there are probably very few places on this planet with better food than Italy. Plus I hear that it's just a nice place in general.

Japan
One thing. Osaka Jail. Haven't heard of it? Go look it up. Not for nothing, despite how expensive it is, I guarantee that very few people party harder than the Japanese after a long day of crunching numbers and shit.

Thailand
Because really, how can you say that you lived without getting some really weird STD from a Thai hooker while riding the green dragon?

France
Eh, I mean, I dunno. Maybe France sucks and I just have no idea. Everyone there seems rude. But I guess it's one of those "you'll never know until you experience it" kinda deals.

Canada
This is happening soon. Why? Because getting hammered completely legally at 19 sounds pretty excellent to me. Plus I want actual maple syrup. And I still don't entirely believe that they have those goofy fucking accents. Talk about filler.

Ireland
I hear Ireland is really pretty. Plus I want to steal a ginger and bring her back to wherever I happen to be living. Partially because how much more interesting would I be if I had a natural born Irish wife? We could have pasty freckled children.

Chicago
This is one place I've never been, but I really feel the urge to go here for a number of reasons. One, I want to see a Cubs/Chisox game at Wrigley (because who gives a shit about the White Sox stadium). Secondly, The Lawrence Arms are from there, and Brendan Kelly bartends at the L&L often enough. Getting wasted off either PBR or Old Style while being served by one of my favorite singers ever? I think that would be pretty amazing.

San Francisco
The last time I went here I was in the womb. But I think it's a pretty necessary place to visit. Dunno why really, just have the urge.

So, I've dicked around enough doing this. I need water, and need to clean the random acutrima scattered throughout my room while listening to the Lawrence Arms live set. 9 Days until the Fest!

-Joe

A Peter North money shot for a case of PBR. Come on man, I'm desperate!

Minions-

So it's 2:34 am as I write this. Tonight was our final night of dumb Outback classroom training, and thank god for that. I was just about ready to spoon my eyes out and make a casserole from their jelly if I had to sit through more of the same tedious, repetitive bullshit any longer. However, I passed, I'm employed, etc, so all is good. What isn't good is how much of a horrible procrastinator I am. I have yet to really even start on my non-fiction manuscript, although I feel like it's one of those that I will be able to shit out a half decent manuscript pretty quickly. I'm actually writing about a highly exaggerated version of the first time I ever bartended. This was also the first wedding I ever attended, so it was pretty entertaining. I think it could make for a good "being out of your element" story. So tomorrow, I am spending most of the day doing that, and then hopefully getting ridiculous later.

It seems that the more I am forced to write creatively, the less I turn my attention to some of my creative projects that I feel have much more potential than the assignments that I'm forced to write. However, I do feel like maybe these little throw away projects are a good way to exonerate some of the crap that I have built up inside me. Sure, it might seem silly to some to put less effort into the work that is actually getting graded, but I feel as if grades matter so little in the field that I'm planning on entering in. I mean, I used to be really gung-ho about going into journalism, but as of now, I just don't have any sort of interest in it. It's just not fun for me. Being forced to do anything will never be fun for me. I feel like I'm a little too independent for that.

It's kinda sad that I can see myself as the complete cliche of an artist in a few years. All of a sudden it feels like I would enjoy spending my evenings bartending, while spending my days working on more creative projects, whether it be writing, or music. Maybe it's the fact that I just hate to be such a slave to convention, and that is all journalistic writing is. That's why I like to keep this blog pretty variable and avoid sticking to just one subject. I mean, we all know my one true love is transvestites, but how uninteresting would a blog about my exploits with transvestites be? The answer? More interesting than you could handle.

So currently, here's some shit that I'm liking a lot, just so I don't sound so completely miserable (when in reality, I'm actually pretty happy most of the time now).

Black and Tans
And no, I don't actually mean the kind that Yuengling bottles (although those are very good too). I mean the homemade black and tan. My personal favorite combo? I do Harp Lager on the bottom half of the mug, and then slowly pour Guinness Extra Stout over the back of a spoon. Shit is absolutely delicious. I feel like Hagrid when I drink them.

Yuengling
Speaking of beer, I forgot how absolutely extraordinary Yuengling was. For the same price as Budweiser, and Miller Lite, and all of that stuff, Yuengling is the best beer for it's price range. Great drinkability, and awesome taste. Plus, it has the unique beer appeal as well (although as it becomes more popular, it's slowly becoming less unique, duh). Probably tied for my favorite beer with Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Hamburger Helper
Yeah, I fell into the total college kid trap. But I can't lie, Hamburger Helper rules a lot. The lasagna one is great because it ends up being like three meals for me. Hate on it.

Working cell phones
Mine doesn't. Stupid fucking battery. Blegh. Once it does again though, I will be very happy!

Anyway, I'm going to call it a day on writing. I need to shower. And still need a haircut. Soon!

-Joe

Dedicated to all human beings

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

So it's officially 16 days until the best weekend of my entire year. Yes, that's right folks, the Fest is on us again, and this lineup seems stronger than ever. Sure, I'm poor as fuck right now, but I do have a job, and I should have financial aid very soon (starting to sound like a broken record right?). So, I'm officially completely excited for life again.

For the uninitiated, The Fest (yes, that is what it's called), is a big independent music festival that has (this year, at least) upwards of 250 bands at 8 different venues between Halloween and November 2nd (although this is the first Fest Halloween, which gives my favorite week of the year a whole new connotation). Last year was my first time, and granted, I made a lot of rookie mistakes. However, I had the most fun of my entire life on Fest 6 weekend last year, and I expect that having been once and knowing what to expect, that this year will be even better.

Some of my very favorite bands on the entire planet are playing this year, and I couldn't be more stoked to get completely faded and listen to some of the best music in the world. Namely, The Lawrence Arms, and my buddies in A Wilhelm Scream and the Swellers. Not for nothing though, I always love to find new bands to randomly get into while waiting for other bands to start, like what happened last year with the band Shook Ones. It's just such a great cultural experience, knowing that 90 percent of the people there are really awesome, and that everyone is there for the same reason: enjoying some of the best music the worst bands have to offer.


So right now, I just found out that my first two classes tomorrow are both cancelled. This is pretty stellar, mostly because it means I don't have class until noon. So, in celebration of such an event, I'm drinking a traditional black and tan. Yeah, I'm aware that it's a total yuppie drink, but I did a few favors for my friend, he got me a nice little homemade variety pack of good beer (as well as a betta fish, who I've officially christened as "Lennox"), so I figured that there would be no better way to drink Guinness Extra Stout and Harp Lager. So, there is that.


So, I haven't done a good list in a while, and having alcoholics as friends, I thought I would try and document the 5 worst liquors ever. Granted, there are some things I haven't tried that I am absolutely sure are gutrot, but alas, this is all from experience.


Rum
Of any kind. Gold, silver, 151, doesn't matter. Rum is what high schoolers with an overactive libido drink. In fact, rum is probably the dumbest alcohol to drink in excess (trust me, I know). I was not always the seasoned drinking professional that I appear to be, and when I was in 10th grade, I used to drink rum too. That is, until I grew a brain and realized how horrible of a hangover that sugary drinks give you. I mean man, you have not experienced a hang-over until you've experienced a rum and coke hangover. It's got enough sugar to put a hummingbird into a diabetic coma. Rum is for middle schoolers, old men who listen to too much Jimmy Buffett, and sorority girls exclusively. Some people champion it's use as a hangover remedy after partying with too many synthetic drugs (although this begs the question, can you ever party with too many synthetic drugs?), but honestly, drink sparks instead. It is at least tolerable in taste.


ABC Vodka
This is kinda like saying shit from Walmart sucks, but honestly, this is the most gutwrenching vodka ever that it can't not get a spot on this list. Yeah, so it's 100 proof. Yeah, so it's 7 dollars a bottle. Yeah so, it will without a doubt get you completely faded. But honestly, how could you justify something that will make you vomit even when drinking weak cran-vodkas. I don't even want to know what this garbage tastes like straight up.


Gin
If you are capable of stomaching gin, more power to you. I personally think it's straight up bottled acid, but I guess if you are capable of downing that as fast as my parents do while watching Grateful Dead tribute bands, then you should probably do this. Gin drinkers are generally either classy, or dangerous in appeal due to drinking gin. This, of course refers to "good" gin like Tanqueray and not the ghetto swill that bums drink

Honest to God bad beer
And yes minions, it does exist out there, and chances are, you have probably drank a lot of it. Bad beer can kind of be a fuzzy area, but really, there are some that are so undisputably terrible that are worth noting. Most clear-cut offenders include: Natty Light/Ice, Busch/Busch Light, Keystone/Keystone Light, Coors Light, Miller Genuine Draft. Now a beer like Schlitz kinda sits on the fence on this one. For one, it's super cheap, and that is absolutely apparent in it's taste. However, Schlitz does have the upside of having really cool/unique packaging, and as such, makes you look a little less douchey. But it's a toss up on that one.

Scotch
Okay so while I do find Jim Beam drinkable, and Jack Daniels marginally okay, Scotch and most other types of whisky are possibly the grossest shit ever. It completely baffles me how anyone can drink this shit and not want to throw up completely. I know I did back when I was going through Kindergarten for the second time.

Anyway, so I really need to eat breakfast and finish up a journal for my advanced expository class like asap, because I have class starting at 1:30.

-Joe

It's nothing but ruffage for lunch and punchlines for dinner

Heyo.

I could sit here and spend the first paragraph of this jumbled mess of a blog by noting some semi-noteworthy minutia of my life, but really, my life has slipped into a little bit of a routine, which I'm not a fan of. However, I did hang out at a bar downtown that I've never been to (Mako's, for any of you who happen to care), which was probably one of the most entertaining places I've ever been. But, like I said, minutia is pretty much never interesting if you aren't a fucking celebrity or some ridiculously eccentric person. Granted, I am eccentric to a certain extent, but nowhere near eccentric enough to make anything aside from an obsession with Chicago Dogs, cheap beer, and sloppy music engaging.


I hate censorship pretty much wholly. Honestly, I really try to at least marginally grasp why so many people are so for it, but I just don't get it. Personally, censorship seems like a sorry cop-out on being a proactive parent. If you don't want your kids to play violent videogames, then get a clue and take the damn things away from them. If you don't want your kids watching violent movies, then don't let them. If you don't want your kids doing drugs, you better damn well make sure they aren't hanging out with the kids doing them. It's not anyone else's responsibility to shield your kids from things you don't want them to see, it's yours. I know my parents would make sure that if there was really something they didn't believe I should see, they would make sure I wasn't going to find another way of seeing it (although this might be a bad example, as my parents didn't try and shelter me from any of that really, but more on this in a minute). As far as I'm concerned, if you feel the urge to have kids, then be proactive in their lives. By not being proactive, you can't possibly expect your children to understand any sense of boundaries. I know, it seems retarded that I (the man who really does not like kids at all, in case anyone needed a clue) would be giving parenting advice from anyone, but I feel slightly urged to project my almost assuredly superior intellect over anyone who raises shithead kids.


But honestly, sheltering your children isn't going to save them any trouble in life. Trust me, I've seen it happen, and I am damn glad that I did not grow up in a sheltered household or I would have pretty much gone Ted Kaczynski on someone at this point. I'll use myself as an example, since I'd like to think (although I'm never entirely sure) that I know myself better than I know other people. I grew up in an open household. I was always encouraged to ask questions about things I was curious about. I was persuaded to live for myself, and not up to everyone else's standards (although my parents did hold me to pretty strict academic standards and made sure they taught me proper manners and an open mind).


But I fucked up a lot in high school. I did drugs. I drank myself into oblivion on more than one occassion. I screwed off in school. Didn't take work seriously at all (trust me, I know this is pretty difficult to believe, but ask anyone that used to work with me at the Smoothie Cafe; until the recent procession of retards that have apparently rolled in, I was notorious for being the third worst employee to ever last longer than 6 months). I screwed off in school and massively underachieved all four years. I pissed a lot of people off by being very outspoken and blunt. Etc etc etc.


But through all of this, I got to college and knew my limits immediately. I knew how much time I had to devote to studying to get good grades, and I knew how much time during the week I could go out and get completely destroyed without being too dysfunctional in the morning. I had done my time with drugs, and honestly knew what I was (or wasn't, in this case) missing. Yeah, as a few of my detractors will point out, I didn't have a flawless year, but for the most part, I felt like I was better off altogether by knowing my limits by not having lived a completely sheltered adolescence.


Now, I'm not advocating that you let your children run around with no boundaries or any of that shit. Let's face it, kids are mostly stupid (even if they do have an IQ of 167, they still could end up with their thumb up their ass mailing bombs to random people from a shack in Montana if you don't watch them), and definitely need some sort of structured system of household reward and punishment. However, look at me for one, someone who is very infrequently hurt by words or perturbed by anything considered generally disturbing, and look at European culture, where naked women are not considered so horribly taboo, drinking isn't considered a bad thing, and cursing is just the language that they speak. If you take away the taboo element of drinking, sex, and profane language, there is nothing left to get offended by. It's merely a word, an image, a substance that has plenty of positive effects (as well as some negative ones, if you're a dribble-chin, navel-picking fuckwit who doesn't understand how to carry themselves), and something that everyone else has been able to cope with.

Hasn't anyone come to understand that we are the only one's making anything obscene? Obscenity is completely created by humans alone, and, if nothing else, I think it's a tad ridiculous to worry about the obscenity of certain words and images when we have one of the most obscene histories in the history of the world.

Speaking of obscene things, I think most people who take a glance at this jumbled incoherancy heretohenceforth known as AHT (because seriously, who really cares about the "the" and the "on", they only completely make the name coherant!), know that I like to ramble about dumb things. Today's dumb topic is Youtube videos. There is nothing that is more upsetting than watching a really entertaining youtube video become the victim of too many Sarah Palin lovers enjoying it. Don't believe it? You are probably one of these idiots then that overquotes the My New Haircut video to this day. Yes, Jagahbombsx3 etc. Okay, we got it. You thought it was funny. But I mean really, I actually enjoyed that video until I watched every asshole Seether fan beating it to death like a Pussy Cat Dolls single. So, here's a list of Youtube videos that are never to be quoted again.


My New Haircut
For reasons stated above. That, and it's a little too true to be funny anymore.

Charley the Unicorn
Maybe it was the fact that this was literally the first thing I pretty much did on college campus after my parents left, was get kidnapped by two girls (one who would turn out to be possibly the dumbest person I've ever met, and the other happened to be pretty okay), and watch this. And yeah, it was funny. Until I couldn't even use the urinal without hearing "chaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrleeeyyy".



Salad Fingers
Okay. Salad Fingers is the most terminally unfunny thing to ever happen to youtube. It's just not even slightly funny. Yes, he's creepy. So is John Wayne Gacy, but that doesn't make him a comedic revolution either


Good youtube videos. And yes, this list is inarguable: Phantom of the Office. The whole series. And the mail order comedy bangbus video. That's about it. Sometimes those lyrical interpretation videos are funny too.


Listen, I just really hate sitting on these entries for multiple days. So instead of sitting on this rotten egg for any longer, I just make up some horribly forced bullshit ending like this. And with that, I conclude thee blog.

-Joe

Toby Keith's horses and Toby Keith's men

Hello.

I know it seems as if this is too soon for a new entry, but I was literally sitting on that other entry since late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning. So. I feel like I've been more than a little neglectful. However, this will all change. I knocked out a good amount of the things I've needed to do lately, and even though I still have a lot more to do (memorizing a six page menu, applying for a loan that I've been delaying until the last possible moment, finishing the whole "cleaning the room" thing, getting new tires on my bike, etc), I feel like I've hit a plateau of effectiveness, and as such, need to slack off for a bit.

Being sick is never any fun I've come to realize. Lately, since I've come down with this weird chest congestion thing, I've been totally drained of energy. For real. I can't remember the last time I was up until 4 am. It's been a struggle to stay up until 2, which is really weird for me, because that is usually my peak hours of operation. Funny story actually, I hacked a loogie into my sink the other day under running water (which usually just shoots the little fucker right down the drain), and apparently, unbeknownst to me, most of the loogie just sat there, becoming one with my sink basin. Now, this isn't particularly harmful to me, but I mean, it just sort of shouts "this kid does not have his shit together". I actually prefer to appear as though I do have my shit together (however infrequently that may be), and this crusted loogie that just will not give way to neither Kaboom nor flamethrower is just ruining my whole vibe. Maybe that's why I've been feeling a tad under the weather: this crusted loogie is just throwing off my whole sense of orientation.

There is nothing fun about being around unexceptional people. Sure, I mean, I have plenty of people that I have absolutely no beef with who are unexceptional. But these are the people that I honestly could not see myself being anything more than an aquaintence with in a few years out. However, most of my close friends I believe fall into the category of being exceptional, and this is why they are my close friends. I think that one of the most important qualities that anyone can bring to the table with me is being a challenging and intriguing individual. I find the most interesting thing about people is security in their imperfection, and as such, I try to surround myself with similar people, regardless of what interests we happen to share or not share.

Being boring is no way to live life, and honestly, I find security to be a little overrated. If you never put yourself outside of your element, you'll never grow. It's very much like the risk-reward relationship. The bigger risk you take, the greater the reward will be. And if you fail, why should it even bother you? I've come to realize that fear of rejection is one of the most pathetic and inconsequential fears ever, and if you don't learn to conquer it while the consequences are menial, you'll fall the hardest when it actually matters.

I look at some of the people around me and almost feel badly that they aren't living as vivaciously as they could be. Obviously, this is only my opinion and I hope no one views this as an attack on themselves, but as a general statement. I mean, to me, it seems pretty boring to never push your boundaries and fail to do things that you might later regret. Yes, you might regret going out and getting completely shitty before a 9 am Spanish class, but how many times in your golden years are you going to look back at college life and go "man, that one night I spent studying for my western civilization test was so much fun, I'm glad I really took advantage of the time I had left as a youth before I had to succumb to being completely independent and couldn't go out even on the weekends".

Obviously, there is a time and a place for everything, and yeah, sometimes you have to give up a night of fun to make sure you're not going to fail a class or anything, but most of the time, being conscious in class is pretty unnecessary. And at that point, you have to ask yourself, "what is more important, living life and having a great time, or doing good in this class so I can hopefully get a good job, so I can make it through life?" If you spend your time worrying more about the latter than the former, I pity your situation and your outlook on life. And I don't doubt that a bunch of you are like "god Joe's an asshole, don't you know you don't have to get drunk to have fun?", but I'm pretty sure I didn't make drunkeness as a stipulation of having fun anywhere in here. I happen to have a lot more fun getting drunk and doing dumb things (and I'm also not bothered by the consequences of the morning after), but if being sober is your thing, then more power to you. But don't let my whole point be lost by that. Get out and live, or you'll have already died far too young.

I'm big on these lists, or so it seems. So to follow in the tradition of such lists, I think I'll start my own bucket list. As per usual, some shit is probably really cliche, but eh. Bite me.

Visit every continent
Visit all 50 states
Drive from one end of the country to the other
Live in Australia and Amsterdam
Drop mushrooms at a planetarium during a meteor shower
Skydive
Dive reefs all over the world before they are all gone
Dive an authentic shipwreck
Write a novel and have it published
Put out an album of original music
Make amends with the people I've hurt with no provocation
Never miss another NOFX, Against Me!, A Wilhelm Scream, The Lawrence Arms, or Radiohead show again
See the Mars Volta live
Go a month without using a car
Buy a sports car
Go to the Olympics
Eat a Chicago Dog in Chicago
Grow a beard for 6 months
Learn how to make sushi
Open a restaurant
Become a legitimate bartender
Get tattooed
Scratch out everything on this list (and any future additions) by the time I die

To be continued.

Anyway, I'm gonna go make dinner with a buddy of mine. Maybe we'll bone later? I'm not sure.

Peace,

-Joe

I'm wasted as my time spent sitting idly by

G'day.


Yeah, I fucking used it. That's how us Outback employees work. God, I can't imagine how much fun I'm going to be having sounding like some wage-slave jackass like "g'day lake nona outback my name is Joe how can I help you". Really guys? G'day? I mean, yeah okay, I get it. You're trying to be a pseudo Australian themed restaurant, it's cute. We have to wear safari shirts too like a bunch of touristy jackasses. Isn't the G'day thing just taking it a touch far?


Anyway, I spent last evening pondering a lot of things while reading some fucking horribly contrived and wordy epic poem that makes no sense that I care to actually try and figure out. This was one of those poems (or so they are called. I've never figured out why the fuck anyone would classify 5 quintillion pages of garbage as poetry) where I honestly read the whole thing and completely forgot what I read less than 10 seconds after I finished. Isn't that just the most frustrating thing ever?


No. But I have determined what is. Missing class is practically a requirement of college, but the most frustrating thing ever is actually trying to catch up on what you missed in class from a fellow classmate. I mean, it really shouldn't be that bad, provided you aren't a total recluse in class, but the worst is asking someone what you missed and getting the standard lazy response: "you didn't really miss anything, he just went over some notes, and did a power point, and told us everything that would eventually be on the test, and then stripped in front of the whole class while masturbating to a blown up picture of Bob Barr". Great job. In the words of Matt Leinart's beer bong, you just suceeded at being less informative than Sarah Palin. I didn't ask for a general summary of the goings on of the class, I actually wanted to know what was taught while my drunk ass was busy passed out and shitting his pants with a non-working air conditioner.


Music rules. For the most part. There are some really awesome bands and groups doing really creative and/or fun and/or exciting shit out there, and those are the bands that I love to talk to people about, and introduce people to. But, the bad has to come with the good, and like all bad things, boy do I enjoy making fun of the prodigiously bad shit that people are attempting to pass off as art. I mean, there are some really easy bands to pick on, but that's kinda like trying to beat up a little kid; there is no fun in the lack of challenge. So I'd rather pick on some of the slightly more credible bands, and specifically, how bad lyrics can really ruin a song. I'm an english major, and as such, a total lyric nerd, so lyrics actually do mean quite a bit to me when I'm deciding if I like a song or not. So, here is a completely not complete list of exceptionally bad lyrics I've heard from all bands, big and small.


"Alone in my room with a bucket full of phlegm/I don't need a music scene to tell me who I am"
Wow so. This first one is a doozie. On top of being the most criminally-overrated ska band ever, Tom Kalnoky was so woefully inefficient at writing anything that was supposed to convey some sort of complex emotion of any kind when he wrote the lyrics to "Day In, Day Out". I mean. Fuck man, chill out with the Nirvana-esque teen-angst thing. I mean, okay, you're trying to be rebellious. I get it. But fuck man, plenty of bands are capable of writing even marginally passable angsty lyrics; this is just Alanis Morrisette bad. At least Tom would redeem himself with his work in Streetlight Manifesto.

"Your apathy comes with a price tag after all it seems."
"No one flag flies over the multi-national company/No allegiance to the board's homeland, fellow citizens, the flag born of their country/As the brainwashed nationalists move/To shed their blood on battle fields/War profiteering rich watch their stocks reap high yields."
Anti-Flag is one of those bands that could concievably be seen as an easy target for making fun of bands lyrically. But. They are just way too proud of their ignorance for me to ignore this shit. Really guys, come up with something that doesn't sound like you are desperately trying (and failing) to achieve middle school levels of song writing.

Anyway, I'm going to reheat some fried rice and watch college football today. Going to get stomped by Miami this weekend, fuck yes.

Tata,

-Joe

Minimum wage is a gateway drug

Hi everyone-

Cutting your finger with a pearing knife seriously sucks. After a couple of beers last night watching the debate, I decided it was a smart idea to cut up my temporary debit card with a steak knife. Smart Joe, smart. So of course, I ended up cutting right through my finger. No fun at all, but I guess it's to be expected. In other news, today is pretty exciting for a couple of reasons. One, I'm finally getting around to cleaning my room like I mentioned a few blogs ago. Something about baked fish fillets caked to a plate on top of my printer that really lit a fire under my ass. B, today is our official Hot Dog Heaven journey of the week, which always puts me in a particularly good mood. Nothing like the glory of processed beef and random vegetables to make me a happy little man. Three, today starts my first day of orientation for my job at Outback, which should be a pretty fun time I'm thinking. Probably a bunch of those dumb icebreaker games, but at least that permits me to spend the better part of the night bullshitting, flirting wrecklessly, and being charming and witty. That's just how I roll in this town.

So, 99 percent of bartenders are total dildos. Call me a perfectionist, know-it-all, what have you, but there are some really outwardly bad and lazy bartenders out there. Not for nothing, but the people that hire bartenders are probably even stupider. And this is not me attempting to speak out as some kind of jaded asshole (or maybe it is, and I just don't feel like admitting to it), but there are definitely some bar managers that make terrible hiring decisions all the time. Especially around here. The only way to get a job in a bar around my school is to a. be in a frat, and a decent sized, reputable frat at that, or b. be a hot, slutty girl. Of course, most bars just look at the basics: yeah, being in a frat ensures most of your fraternity coming through the door the night you are working; yeah, being a hot slutty girl means you have guys coming in to drool over you and rail you harder than the basketball team did in high school. However, did anyone ever look at the fact that frat dudes are practically obligated to take care of their brothers with free drinks all the time? Did anyone ever look at the fact that the aforementioned hot, slutty girl is more likely to call out of work because she doesn't feel like standing up after the fact that she just got torn up like it was getting thrown on the internet by a bunch of 300 pound Samoan dudes on a website like Facialsofdeath.com??

Maybe I'm crazy, but for as ridiculous and out-there as a lot of aspiring bartenders are (myself included), we're definitely more reliable, personable, and better at building clientele than these kids who will only continually bring in the same people over and over. Not for nothing, but hiring people with not even a lick of training just for their ability to bring in customers seems pretty ridiculous. You wonder why you have a bunch of dildos coming in and drinking underage (again, myself included)? It's because you train shitty fucking bartenders who don't give a shit about their job and do a mediocre job at mixing together a grand total of 10 drinks, and don't even know the actual names for them. Maybe I just like trying to rock the establishment too much. I dunno. What I do know is that I could do twice as good of a job as any of the fucking clowns behind the bars at any of the local places. But I guess it's my loss, at least until I move up to bartending at Outback in a few months.

Regardless. I'm riled up now. Not that I wasn't when I woke up. I love it when I sign onto myspace and see some mother-at-19 blurting out about how Barack Obama is clearly the antichrist and how he didn't vote for the PATRIOT ACT. I bet 98 percent of the people who think that's a bad thing probably have no idea what the Bill of Rights or the Patriot Act contain. It shocks me how a nation like ours, "the best country in the world", can be so legitimately retarded when it comes to some of the most devastating legislation in the history of our country.

Fuck that. America is not number one; we're in the teens at least. Maybe 12 or 13 tops. Call me an unpatriotic asshole (it's not like I spent 4 years in ROTC or anything). We're so ignorant of our place in the grand scheme of the world. We're a joke. We've fucked up two elections and counting now. Our economy is in the worst shape it's been since the Great Depression. We were sure that North Korea was one of the most evil powers to ever grace the planet. We were positive that it was time to attack them like we attacked Iraq (who was in the same place as North Korea when the war over there started), and in the end, it turned out that they were really telling the truth and only wanted nuclear power. I'm even willing to wager that Iran wants the same thing, and that no one likes the country who clearly doesn't have it's shit together, to tell them to get their shit together.

So let's forget about everyone elses problems for a little while. I hate that this is what it's come down to, but let's fix America. Send the vice president over to try and negiotiate some sort of a temporary armistice between all of the middle east countries for long enough that we can fix our economy, get back into the black, and get our shit taken care of. Then, since America is a perennial gossipy-bitch-with-its-nose-up-everyone's-ass, we can worry about everyone else. But instead of worrying about the middle east (where there is always going to be a fucking war between rogue states who hate Israel), let's worry about the real issues, like Darfur. If we had known the scope of the Holocaust at the time it happened, we would have immediately intervened. Why is this any different?

Okay, well know that I've thoroughly fumed enough, I'm down to end this on a positive note.

Good, good things:

Tom Petty
Awesome songwriter. Sorry, I know I throw all my cred points out of the window, but Tom Petty fucking rules. Seriously, American Girl is 10 times better than anything Springsteen put out aside from maybe Born to Run. Definitely the more consistent of the two, and wasn't the precursor to fucking Bon Jovi. Now that's an accomplishment worth noting.

Neckties
As long as they aren't clip on, and you aren't wearing them with a tshirt, a good, ridiculously cool looking necktie is always a good thing. I have a metallic-looking purple/pink/black one that has interesting geometric steps on it that looks cool as hell. Downside? They are expensive. How I hate being poor.

Aloe
Let me tell you, when dozing on the beach after a couple of high lifes, sunburn sucks. A lot. Florida sucks mostly because you can get sunburn even if it's cloudy as hell out. That was the story of my weekend: sunburn. But with aloe, all the obnoxious stinging is temporarily relieved by this horrible smelling substance. I don't care if it makes me smell like an old man who uses aerosol shampoo and shits his pants daily, at least the fucking burning doesn't burn so badly.

Fried rice
What a great starch. I mean, I think fried rice is really terminally underrated. No doubt better than ramen, although it is more expensive. I just don't understand how people prefer white rice. Ramen has like. Vegetables and shit. And chicken. People, chicken is the best thing ever. When you learn this finally, you will grow. Cope with it. Chicken is the future.

I've totally fried my brain on this one. Still need a haircut. Fuck.

Bye.

Joe

Oh PS I'm shaving my beard into a Fu Manchu moustache later today. Let you know how that turns out.

They want to drop me like an awkward subject

Word.

So today has put me into a particularly sour mood all things considered. Granted, it's only ever the stupid inconviniences that ever really upset anyone, but I've caught a couple that are just supremely irritating. My phone decided it's just not down for working anymore for one reason or another, which is just no fun at all. That, and it seems like I can never own a single computer with a working cd burner, which is a pretty mild inconvinience. What's really put got me over the edge today is how brutally retarded my advanced expository class is.

Firstly, the name of the class alone should signify that there should be more writing than the amount of reading required. This is clearly not the case in this class. Secondly, it should be expected that the readings that are required are by talented writers, and if not talented writers, writers with some grasp of the concept of effectiveness.

But no. Instead, the only fucking thing we've read about has been bleeding-heart, please-pity-my-fucking-struggle-against-the-overtly-masculine-society feminists. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm all for equal treatment of the sexes, and all for women's rights (reproductive and otherwise), but reading all of thise garbage by writers who should be relegated to writing drivel like Twilight makes me honestly despise anything feminism ever stood for. I'm a forward thinking person, and this shit is making me turn caveman on these navel picking dumbshits who honestly think they are changing anyone's fucking minds. Most people who would read this shit would probably end up becoming so infuriated by the end, that women would end up living in crates and eating moldy bread soup. Internment camps? What is yes?

But I know that's not right. I'm down for equal rights and all of that. So if we're going to have equal rights, then toss a few bones our way and look at how privaleged some women have it. Why shouldn't a father get paternity leave? Why is it mostly a dude who has to pay child support to his wife, yet in the rare case that the father wins custody, the wife normally isn't relagated to pay it? Doesn't sound very fucking equal from this side of the table.

So feminism can shove it for all I care; it's about as equal as it will ever get. And not for nothing, but why does it have to be feminism? Women if women are looking for equal rights, why give it such a male disclusionary name? I understand that only a faction of feminists are man-hating lesbians, so why is there any need for it? I just don't understand what I'm missing

Since this was such an outwardly negative blog, how about a round of some of the most comically terrible bands I can think of? I think that's a great idea actually.

Coheed & Cambria
Okay, so yeah, they do have a couple of good songs. A few. Very few, as a matter of fact. The saddest part about Coheed though is the fact that they are being heiled by so many as the future of music, and claimed to be doing such revolutionary things when their last album was a mess of saccharine pop hooks, Van Halen hair metal rip-off moments, and recycled riffs from the Alan Parsons Project. And that's just the music. The lyrics scream "40 year old virgin" more than most early morning weathermen do. I mean really, sci-fi worlds of total fantacy are okay if you are like 13, but once you get through middle school, it's kinda time to give that shit up.

The White Stripes
I've never understood the appeal of the White Stripes. Ever. Even discounting the fact that there is some weird, kinky Hannibal Lector-esque relationship going on between the brother-sister/ex-husband-and-wife/father-daughter duo, this band just makes no sort of concievable decency between the two. So they don't have a bassist? And the drummer is a girl? What's the point? They make flaccid post-grunge radio-rock with a limp-dick, pre-pubescent sounding vocalist, and uninteresting and flaccid choruses. Overrated, and just terrible in general.

Slayer
I think I'm one of the few dudes who both likes metal and has drank High Life on a regular basis for the good part of a year and a half who doesn't understand the appeal of Slayer at all. Yeah, they made really fast thrash metal with lots of arpeggios. But so does Municipal Waste. And the difference between the two is that Municipal Waste is actually fun to listen to, whereas Slayer just comes off as a bunch of 45 year old dildos who are trying to be satanic to retain any semblence of bad-assery they ever had. Fail. Give me lyrics about beer bongs and santanic wizards any day of the week

I'm sure I could think of more, but maybe I'll expand this list later. Right now, I'm about to go make some chicken teriyaki and fried rice. Mmm how I love fried rice.

I need a hair cut,

Joe

Live like a legend and die like an asshole

So-

Long weekend, or so it seems. I guess only having class two days a week makes all weekends seem long. Not that I don't have a full schedule of classes (12 credit hours this semester), I just scheduled them all to end before 3 pm on the two days that I do have classes. Granted, I guess weekends will start seeming much shorter when I begin working at Outback 5 days a week. This week is my orientation , which should be pretty interesting I guess. Then at least I get to see any attractive women that immediately become off-limits. Awesome.

Seeing Against Me! this weekend was definitely an amazing time. That is one band that never disappoints any time I see them. Talk about a live band with tremendous energy, and who mixes setlists to near perfection. This was my fifth time seeing them, and even I heard songs that I hadn't heard live previously, which is always good. Still looking out for them to play "Pretty Girls (The Mover)", but it can't be too far out right?

So recently, I came into possession of a bicycle for the first time in quite a while. This actually excites me quite a bit. I used to love riding a bike as a little kid, and just cruising around seeing the various things to see, and I think I lost a lot of that when I started just relying on cars for transportation. Not for nothing, but driving an SUV like mine is just really expensive. If I can run short errands and not have to actually drive, but merely bike (grocery store, hot dog heaven, going to friends' houses, etc), I could probably end up saving a lot of gas. Already, I've noticed how much less gas I've used driving to and from campus since I started taking the shuttle in the morning. So, this is reasonably exciting.

Have you ever been in a place where you've felt really fucking old compared to everyone else? I mean, I don't even mean in the sense of just physical age (otherwise, I would probably feel really young all the time), but in terms of maturity as well. Last night at the show was pretty disconcerting; the number of small kids was absolutely staggering compared to any previous AM! headlining show I'd seen. I mean literally, kids that were 11-14 years old. I guess my main question is, what happened?

The House of Blues chain. That's what happened. In my mind, it isn't the Warped Tour, or the fact that there are a bunch of crotch licking dildos wearing tight jeans which will eventually (and hopefully) make them sterile, or even the fact that file-sharing has become such a ridiculously popular practice that is making rock music lamer with each day; it's the fact that we have no choice but to go to these giant, corporate monoliths to be able to hear the same bands that we saw just a few years ago rocking the small independent clubs.

This isn't about "selling out". At least not in the sense that most people are probably thinking. I'm all for a band trying to get their message and their music out to as many people as possible, using whatever means they see fit. It's all good to me, as long as they stay true to themselves. What upsets me is the sheer volume of independent clubs eventually selling themselves off to these giant corporate conglomerates just to cash in while they still can. It's hard times for everyone, and while I can't blame the clubs that are forced to shut down, I do blame the ones who sell off their thriving independent venue to a corporation who turns the small, local, fun independent club into a horribly run corporate entity with ridiculous rules about photography of any sort and the "no moshing" rules that pervade some of the venues.

Don't get me wrong: it is good in a sense that parents feel safer sending their kids to a venue with padded barricades, but it's also bad in the fact that you get a bunch of dipshit 14-year olds who don't understand what it means to be at a rock show. So many of them are shocked and infuriated by the fact that some of us like to get fucking rowdy and have a great time during a band, and that the front of the crowd is not a great place to be if you are looking to have a mellow time with your girlfriend. Sometimes, I've felt like going to shows and just relaxing back and watching the music, but in this case, I would have the common courtesy to step back and allow those who really want to get intimate with the band (or as intimate as you can get with nearly 10 feet between the barricade and the stage), to be up front, where they can cause all the trouble they want.

Shows are not a fashion show. The front row of a venue is not the place to be if you don't want to be thrown around a bit and possible get battered and bruised. Shows are not a place for senseless bickering because someone pushed you. Shows shouldn't be a place to be inside your comfort zone, because there should be nothing comfortable about rock music. Push your boundaries and express yourself the way you like, as long as it is not directly and forcibly hurting someone else. Grow up and learn to deal with those around you that you might not always care for, because they will always be there, no matter where you end up.

Now, time for the next edition in "what Joe happens to like a lot right now"

Save-A-Lot
Man, talk about a great fucking grocery store. Yeah, it's a chain, but it's a chain without the ridiculous mark up that even Walmart has. I mean really, $2.50 for a gallon of milk is absolutely unheard of in this day and age, but alas, Save-A-Lot has it. 16 slices of American cheese for 99 cents? Um, fuck and yes? 16 hot dogs for 99 cents? Absofuckinglutely yes. Sunny Delight for 99 cents? They have it. Fucking great store, I'll only shop there and at Sam's ever again I do believe.

Miller High Life Tall Boys
Yeah it's high life. Yes, it can also be really disgusting. But for some reason, this is one beer that just tastes better in the can, and especially when four pints are 2.79. I just can't really explain it, but this is a tremendously good beer when cold. The only thing that sucks is that, for fall, they painted the gold parts of the can to have like a camouflage theme. I saw this and immediately wondered what pooped on my beer. Yeah I know. I'm a drunk idiot, and probably wrong about High Life being so great. But I'm better looking than you, so get over it.

Facial hair
Not having shaved for upwards of two weeks now, I'm actually enjoying the whole beard growth thing. It's pretty sick.

Having a clean room
I actually have a really cluttered and messy room right now, but I figure if I post this here, it'll make me look at it long enough that I'll eventually get sick of it and finally get around to cleaning. But, I do surmise that when I finally get around to cleaning my room, I'll probably greatly enjoy the flexibility that having a clean room grants me.

Toodles,

Joe

Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there

Hello thar.

Talk about a stressful week. Two essays, three poems, and a test, all over 3 days. Rough times. Anyway, I had a blog that I posted earlier, but honestly, it sucked a lot. So this is an attempt at round number two, and I actually think that I have something marginally interesting to discuss this time instead of just bitching about the retards that inhabit my classes and that common form of alcoholism known as college.

I'm perplexed as to where our generation went wrong. Let's face it guys, compared to the past, our generation is pretty epic fail. I mean, we're (and I use this loosely, as I try to believe that there are a few of us who don't subscribe to this crap) so overwhelmingly apathetic (or illigitimately dogmatic) towards the things that really matter, like elections, yet so many put so much stock into completely asinine things, like juvenile relationships. I may sound like I'm full of hot air, because I haven't lived very much (if it all) longer than any one who is reading this blog, but I really feel like there has always been a weird disconnect between my generation and I.

Nonetheless, look back to the 50's and 60's for just a moment; people were allowed (and practically encouraged) to date multiple people. Why? Because everyone back then was fully aware that if you spent all your time seeing and just getting to know one person at a time, the chance that you would find someone actually worthwhile was incredibly slim. This is why people in the 50's and 60's fell in love at such a young age: they dated roughly 4 to 5 times the amount of people that kids in our generation do in the same amount of time. So why then does everyone operate under the assumption that you'll fall in love with the first, second, third, fifth, hell even tenth person that you ever date in your life? Do they really think they are doing something wrong because of this?

I think it's pretty upsetting to see people getting so upset about the fact that they can't make a relationship work, fall in love, and get married. It's these kind of expectations that ruin so many relationships that could be productive and fulfilling relationships, even if they do eventually end. You expect to fall in love, and when it isn't coming naturally, you force it, and eventually things fall apart. It's the grand circle of relationships, and honestly, it's something to avoid easily, but something that our generation hasn't figured out how to just yet. And something tells me that I doubt we ever will.

So seriously, relax. Take things slowly and let things come naturally. You won't find a job at the first place you apply (with a few choice exceptions). You won't win every game your rookie season. You aren't going to get straight a's throughout college at all costs. We all have our quirks and character flaws, but eventually you'll probably find a person who can accept them and still love you all the same. And even if you don't, there is no reason to put your life on hold because you can't find someone to fall in love with. Fall in love with music. With food. With travel. With animals. With friends. With nature. With art. With sports. With Ozzie fucking Guillen. You don't need to love a person or be loved by a person to be complete, and if you are basing your life on this, you are going to end up sad and alone in the end anyway.

All good things come to an end, by one mean or another. Have a good time when you can and enjoy every moment, because you won't be around forever. This isn't The Notebook; you won't die with the person you love at the same time, and you won't ever have completely mutual feelings for each other. It's called life, and it happens, and if you don't start living it for yourself and not putting expectations on what could and could not happen, it's going to pass you right by while you're not even looking, and you'll die unfulfilled and even more alone than ever.

So go out. Meet new people. Get drunk and make dumb mistakes. Or be sober and make dumb mistakes. Do what you do for you and don't expect to fall in love ever. That is the best part about falling in love is the fact that part of it is the surprise of who it will be with, and when it will happen. It's not planned or coordinated. You can't control it. Don't try. Just live and fuck up, and eventually, your fuckups will be rewarded. And if they aren't, who cares? You'll die feeling like shit if you let it bother you.

Here's a list of shit I love, in lieu of the fact that I'm not in love with anyone in the romantic sense. No specific order:
Friends who I can have the best time in the world doing nothing with
Art
Music
Writing
Food
Honest expression
Getting drunk and doing stupid shit
Conversing
The Chicago Hot Dog
Cute girls with great eyes
Chicken wings
Meeting new people
Big parties
Small gatherings
Lyrics
Pepperoni, Swiss cheese, and crackers

This is some of what I love. Ask yourself, what do you love, and are you loving what you love because you can't help it, or are you doing it because you want to love something?

Sex, Hugs, and Cocaine

Joe