If I could only be half the things you write about in your songs

So class has been nothing but unnecessary stress. Being surrounded by retards almost guarantees that it will cause stress because no one has their shit together. Like for instance, Lit class, class got canceled last Thursday, meaning that the in class discussion for Thursday is being combined with the in-class discussion for Tuesday, and is now also being combined with the Thursday discussion because this pale dicked motherfucker cannot make it to class then. Awesome, so instead of having to read two of these readings, I have to read three, and understand them enough to figure out what's going on and discuss it. There is no doubt in my mind that the class part of college is the worst part. I love the partying, the meeting new people, the football, everything else. Hell, I even like working my job because at least I'm getting paid, but class is just unnecessary stress and a total financial burden. And don't even get me started on some of the speds in my creative writing class (file under "more workshopping? fuck yes!).

So I like traveling. What sucks is that being an employed college student with rent to pay makes this incredibly difficult to do. However, if I had a choice of careers in an ideal world where such a ridiculously ludicrous career did exist, I would love to get paid to just travel everywhere, all expenses paid. I know, it's totally unrealistic, but I can dream right? So, here is a list of places that I am going to try to travel to, ASAP.

Australia
Yeah, I know that I've already been here. But I fell so hard in love with this place when I went that I've been trying to find an excuse to go here ever since. The people there are all gorgeous (for the most part) and extremely friendly. No idea where we went wrong.

Amsterdam
This is pretty much self explanatory. The debauchery capital of the world? I'm so there.

England
Mostly because the 2012 Olympics are here, and I think that going to the Olympics during a trip to Europe would be pretty amazing. Plus, this is where I plan to propose to Stephanie Rice. So, gotta be in the same place she is.

Italy
I surmise that there are probably very few places on this planet with better food than Italy. Plus I hear that it's just a nice place in general.

Japan
One thing. Osaka Jail. Haven't heard of it? Go look it up. Not for nothing, despite how expensive it is, I guarantee that very few people party harder than the Japanese after a long day of crunching numbers and shit.

Thailand
Because really, how can you say that you lived without getting some really weird STD from a Thai hooker while riding the green dragon?

France
Eh, I mean, I dunno. Maybe France sucks and I just have no idea. Everyone there seems rude. But I guess it's one of those "you'll never know until you experience it" kinda deals.

Canada
This is happening soon. Why? Because getting hammered completely legally at 19 sounds pretty excellent to me. Plus I want actual maple syrup. And I still don't entirely believe that they have those goofy fucking accents. Talk about filler.

Ireland
I hear Ireland is really pretty. Plus I want to steal a ginger and bring her back to wherever I happen to be living. Partially because how much more interesting would I be if I had a natural born Irish wife? We could have pasty freckled children.

Chicago
This is one place I've never been, but I really feel the urge to go here for a number of reasons. One, I want to see a Cubs/Chisox game at Wrigley (because who gives a shit about the White Sox stadium). Secondly, The Lawrence Arms are from there, and Brendan Kelly bartends at the L&L often enough. Getting wasted off either PBR or Old Style while being served by one of my favorite singers ever? I think that would be pretty amazing.

San Francisco
The last time I went here I was in the womb. But I think it's a pretty necessary place to visit. Dunno why really, just have the urge.

So, I've dicked around enough doing this. I need water, and need to clean the random acutrima scattered throughout my room while listening to the Lawrence Arms live set. 9 Days until the Fest!

-Joe