It's nothing but ruffage for lunch and punchlines for dinner

Heyo.

I could sit here and spend the first paragraph of this jumbled mess of a blog by noting some semi-noteworthy minutia of my life, but really, my life has slipped into a little bit of a routine, which I'm not a fan of. However, I did hang out at a bar downtown that I've never been to (Mako's, for any of you who happen to care), which was probably one of the most entertaining places I've ever been. But, like I said, minutia is pretty much never interesting if you aren't a fucking celebrity or some ridiculously eccentric person. Granted, I am eccentric to a certain extent, but nowhere near eccentric enough to make anything aside from an obsession with Chicago Dogs, cheap beer, and sloppy music engaging.


I hate censorship pretty much wholly. Honestly, I really try to at least marginally grasp why so many people are so for it, but I just don't get it. Personally, censorship seems like a sorry cop-out on being a proactive parent. If you don't want your kids to play violent videogames, then get a clue and take the damn things away from them. If you don't want your kids watching violent movies, then don't let them. If you don't want your kids doing drugs, you better damn well make sure they aren't hanging out with the kids doing them. It's not anyone else's responsibility to shield your kids from things you don't want them to see, it's yours. I know my parents would make sure that if there was really something they didn't believe I should see, they would make sure I wasn't going to find another way of seeing it (although this might be a bad example, as my parents didn't try and shelter me from any of that really, but more on this in a minute). As far as I'm concerned, if you feel the urge to have kids, then be proactive in their lives. By not being proactive, you can't possibly expect your children to understand any sense of boundaries. I know, it seems retarded that I (the man who really does not like kids at all, in case anyone needed a clue) would be giving parenting advice from anyone, but I feel slightly urged to project my almost assuredly superior intellect over anyone who raises shithead kids.


But honestly, sheltering your children isn't going to save them any trouble in life. Trust me, I've seen it happen, and I am damn glad that I did not grow up in a sheltered household or I would have pretty much gone Ted Kaczynski on someone at this point. I'll use myself as an example, since I'd like to think (although I'm never entirely sure) that I know myself better than I know other people. I grew up in an open household. I was always encouraged to ask questions about things I was curious about. I was persuaded to live for myself, and not up to everyone else's standards (although my parents did hold me to pretty strict academic standards and made sure they taught me proper manners and an open mind).


But I fucked up a lot in high school. I did drugs. I drank myself into oblivion on more than one occassion. I screwed off in school. Didn't take work seriously at all (trust me, I know this is pretty difficult to believe, but ask anyone that used to work with me at the Smoothie Cafe; until the recent procession of retards that have apparently rolled in, I was notorious for being the third worst employee to ever last longer than 6 months). I screwed off in school and massively underachieved all four years. I pissed a lot of people off by being very outspoken and blunt. Etc etc etc.


But through all of this, I got to college and knew my limits immediately. I knew how much time I had to devote to studying to get good grades, and I knew how much time during the week I could go out and get completely destroyed without being too dysfunctional in the morning. I had done my time with drugs, and honestly knew what I was (or wasn't, in this case) missing. Yeah, as a few of my detractors will point out, I didn't have a flawless year, but for the most part, I felt like I was better off altogether by knowing my limits by not having lived a completely sheltered adolescence.


Now, I'm not advocating that you let your children run around with no boundaries or any of that shit. Let's face it, kids are mostly stupid (even if they do have an IQ of 167, they still could end up with their thumb up their ass mailing bombs to random people from a shack in Montana if you don't watch them), and definitely need some sort of structured system of household reward and punishment. However, look at me for one, someone who is very infrequently hurt by words or perturbed by anything considered generally disturbing, and look at European culture, where naked women are not considered so horribly taboo, drinking isn't considered a bad thing, and cursing is just the language that they speak. If you take away the taboo element of drinking, sex, and profane language, there is nothing left to get offended by. It's merely a word, an image, a substance that has plenty of positive effects (as well as some negative ones, if you're a dribble-chin, navel-picking fuckwit who doesn't understand how to carry themselves), and something that everyone else has been able to cope with.

Hasn't anyone come to understand that we are the only one's making anything obscene? Obscenity is completely created by humans alone, and, if nothing else, I think it's a tad ridiculous to worry about the obscenity of certain words and images when we have one of the most obscene histories in the history of the world.

Speaking of obscene things, I think most people who take a glance at this jumbled incoherancy heretohenceforth known as AHT (because seriously, who really cares about the "the" and the "on", they only completely make the name coherant!), know that I like to ramble about dumb things. Today's dumb topic is Youtube videos. There is nothing that is more upsetting than watching a really entertaining youtube video become the victim of too many Sarah Palin lovers enjoying it. Don't believe it? You are probably one of these idiots then that overquotes the My New Haircut video to this day. Yes, Jagahbombsx3 etc. Okay, we got it. You thought it was funny. But I mean really, I actually enjoyed that video until I watched every asshole Seether fan beating it to death like a Pussy Cat Dolls single. So, here's a list of Youtube videos that are never to be quoted again.


My New Haircut
For reasons stated above. That, and it's a little too true to be funny anymore.

Charley the Unicorn
Maybe it was the fact that this was literally the first thing I pretty much did on college campus after my parents left, was get kidnapped by two girls (one who would turn out to be possibly the dumbest person I've ever met, and the other happened to be pretty okay), and watch this. And yeah, it was funny. Until I couldn't even use the urinal without hearing "chaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrleeeyyy".



Salad Fingers
Okay. Salad Fingers is the most terminally unfunny thing to ever happen to youtube. It's just not even slightly funny. Yes, he's creepy. So is John Wayne Gacy, but that doesn't make him a comedic revolution either


Good youtube videos. And yes, this list is inarguable: Phantom of the Office. The whole series. And the mail order comedy bangbus video. That's about it. Sometimes those lyrical interpretation videos are funny too.


Listen, I just really hate sitting on these entries for multiple days. So instead of sitting on this rotten egg for any longer, I just make up some horribly forced bullshit ending like this. And with that, I conclude thee blog.

-Joe