Well again, a little break and I'm back to the nether regions of the blogosphere to crank out some dumb shit for everyone to read. This time, the break was the function of a surprise visit home for Christmas and what not. I'm not really a big fan of Christmas really. It's such an awful corporate holiday, and I always hate not knowing who I'm indebted to buy presents for. Each year it seems I end up with more people who buy me something, and thus I kinda feel required to get something for them. It's a tough little situation to try and predict, especially on a budget. Plus I hate the fact that no matter where I go, from Halloween until New Years, there is nothing but Christmas music playing everywhere. The only upside to this is that I know my life would be worth taking if I heard anything from the Sufjan Stevens Christmas album being played in public. Thankfully the public has not gone THAT tone deaf.
With Christmas though, comes possibly the worst part of the holiday season. Re-reading that sentence makes me sound like a bit of a Grinch, but it's really true. The things I look forward to most on Christmas are getting cool gifts from predictable people, because I've already budgeted for them, and the fact that business and tips always get better in the service industry. However, for all of that goodness, there is the sheer misery of travel anywhere around Christmas. Totally cliche thing to bitch about, but I've never been so infuriated in my life, until I was stuck in an hour long traffic jam on the Florida Turnpike heading back up to Orlando. I mean, I wasn't even that infuriated about that. What got me was that this hour-long traffic jam was caused by people slowing down to see the accident on the side of the road.
Really? Fucking hell, rubbernecking is possibly the biggest display of idiocy I think I've ever seen, and mind you, I've been to a concert with both Kiss and POISON on the same bill. Other retarded things that I've witnessed in person also include: old people ordering food, a Pat Benatar concert, a GEORGE THUROGOOD AND THE DESTROYERS CONCERT, people trying to put a washer and dryer on a stolen credit card, my younger brother making a bong out of a Darth Vader toy lightsaber, etc. Needless to say, Rubbernecking is pretty unbelievable. What most American's fascination with car accidents and misery is, I'm not really sure.
For those who aren't really aware of the term (I'm not really sure what level of colloquialism it falls under), rubbernecking is when a bunch of supremely intelligent people see an accident on the side of the road, and, no matter what the location (highway, city, race track, corn field, etc), slow down to about five miles an hour to gawk at the carnage. This, in turn, causes everyone behind them to do the same thing, and thus causes a veritable clusterfuck of assfoolery and what not.
Maybe it has something to do with Maury Povich. As a culture, we're way too fascinated with other people's misery. It's pretty disgusting that they even throw this shit on basic cable. Yes, Party Heat is an unbelievably funny show, but I refuse to not feel guilty when I watch it.
hugs and cumshots,
Joe
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2 comments:
shaudenfrued is only funny as long as it doesn't happen to you
I was just trying to get to fucking Busch Gardens, when I came upon all three southbound lanes of I-75 creeping at 23 mph for as far as the eye could see (and farther). And for what?! A fender bender on the other side of the road. A FENDER BENDER. no carnage, no bodies under white sheets, nothing. A fender bender. I was pissed. There wasn't even an ambulance there. Bullshit.
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