Friday, July 10, 2009

You'll never be safe and sound

"Life is a gift, not a given."

Last night, driving home from some raucous evening of drinking and dancing to ridiculous music with even more ridiculous people, a good friend of mine mentioned the above in passing, and more than anything else I heard that night, that stuck with me more than anything that I've heard recently.

To me, it makes a lot of sense. Life is a gift; the gift is the opportunity to be what you want in life. It's the opportunity to better yourself, or to fall in line with the rank-in-file. And that choice is what makes all the difference. Life, for many, ends up being about what comes easiest or what makes them the most money, regardless of if they enjoy are doing. Life, for many, is about the destination, and not the journey. But really, what is the destination without the journey?

The only true destination that is common amongst everyone is death. Clearly, no one starts living with the desire to die as their only goal, a patient in life's waiting room. Life is as much about the day-to-day struggles of living as it is one's greatest triumphs. It's the struggles, toils, heartbreaks, and disapointments that we face head on that make us stronger, and similarly, it's those setbacks and troubles that prepare us to fully embrace life's greatest heights.

There is nothing beautiful about a privileged life--the beauty in all of life is born from the tragedy that one day, it'll all be over. It's what we make of our time here that matters most.

xoxo

Joe

Monday, June 29, 2009

Criminal neglect, what the fuck

Holy hell, haven't updated this thing in fucking eons. I have no legitimate reason for this. I haven't been working THAT much, haven't really been doing anything that outrageous, and definitely haven't been busy at all. I was contemplating writing out a random spewing facebook note, but that seems pretty silly to do. I mean, firstly, who the fuck reads facebook notes that they aren't tagged in? I do, but that's partially because I'm a creepy shithead. Moving on.

I have been experimenting a lot in the kitchen lately. Not just with foods mind you, also with different activities. The showering in the kitchen/cooking in the bathroom thing isn't really working out for me though. Damn. However, I did make a lights out grilled cheese the other day. Seriously, it's the best. Maybe I'll let one of you try it. Or maybe not. Bitches. I used a few key ingredients, but the most important were the velveeta singles, the cracked black pepper, Jane's mixed up salt, and a light coat of minced garlic on the inside of the sammich. It was pretty epic.

Lately, in the most homoerotic way possible, I've been revisiting the Harry Potter books/movies. As much credibility as that definitely loses me, I have to vehemently back up the fact that the Harry Potter series is an incredibly solid contribution to literature for not just kids, but adults as well. I mean, shit, this series kept me from driving my grades into the ground c/o Pokemon Blue. Plus, it's a fuckload better than the garbage passing for teenage literature these days (Twilight, I'm staring right at your fucking grave).

Anyway, see you ladies in hell.

xoxo

Joe

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The weather is hot and the cocktails are cold

So, I guess it's now officially summer.  Well, maybe not actually summer according to silly dates, but in Florida, we only have like two seasons anyway, and if its above 90 degrees with thunderstorms in the afternoon, it's indisputably summertime.  What's great about summer (for a lot of people, anyway) is that it means a genuine reprieve of social and educational responsibility.  Not to say that everyone quits their jobs and stops taking classes, but everyone at least scales things back a little bit (unless they are clinically retarded).  So, tis the season to spend your entire friday getting wasted from sunrise to...well sunrise again.  In fact, I'm debating on whether I should do that today.  I know I'm going to get a hot dog in a bit, but aside from that, the world is my oyester today!  Especially because the oyester, I've always considered to be the biggest alcoholic of shellfish.  But I digress; here is a bit of a summer drinking style guide, for those of you eager for my opinion.

What to Drink This Summer, Pt 1:  Breakfast

Bloody Mary:  The bloody mary, for me anyway, is the premium wake up cocktail.  The mix of tomato juice, vodka, celery, and everything else is great for a "hair of the dog" hangover cure, and it goes particularly well with scrambled eggs or a garden/southwest omelet with salsa.  There are two x-factor ingredients in bloody marys that separate them from the crowd.  The first is the type of vodka you use.  Tomato juice acts like many other fruit juices, in that it works to kill the harsh bite of the vodka.  This makes cheap vodka a viable alternative to anything good, so don't bother making a fancy grey goose mary, because you won't really taste the difference.  If you do go with expensive vodka, however, Absolut Peppar is the way to go.  Adds a great bite to it.  Secondly, celery salt is absolutely essential to a solid bloody mary.  Much like celery salt turns a chicago hot dog from something pedestrian to something amamzing, it does the exact same thing with bloody marys.  No bloody mary is complete without it.

Screwdriver: Another fixture of the morning alcoholic.  Thanks to Orange juice, this is also a great breakfast cocktail.  However, it doesn't quite mix as well with eggs as the bloody mary does, so you should probably drink this when you are eating other breakfast foods, such as pancakes, french toast, waffles, Count Chocula, etc.  A lot of people consider screwdrivers acceptable drinks at night, but you pretty much look like a horrendous creep if you are drinking orange juice that late at night.  The only exception is if you are at a really lame house party, and that is all they have to mix it with.  

Joose/Sparks/Tilt:  A bit of a curve ball, in that most people consider these drinks that 13 year olds pound late at night behind the movie theater dumpster.  But Joose/Sparks/Tilt (in that order of importance) has taken on a whole new role, particularly with the development of the energy drink generation as alcohol imbibers.  What is great about these drinks is that all of them have both caffeine (roughly 1-2 cups of coffee per drink) and alcohol (1-4 beers per drink).  And the best part is that they are generally very cheap, ranging from 1-2 dollars per can.  This is the perfect thing to start your day, and also helps with hangover relief too.  

That's it for this segment, but keep checking back for whenever I get less lazy and post the next episode in this segment, where I tackle the lunch and afternoon cocktails section.  

xoxo

Joe

Monday, May 11, 2009

On the road again

Well, 56 hours, and over 3400 miles later, I'm back in the wonderful sunshine state.  I'm currently sitting in my apartment drinking beer on a monday night, because the semester wrapped up the day I left for the road trip.  Speaking of the semester, I ended up with straight B's this semester.  Yay for massively underachieving in college.  However, I did get a B+, so that is good.  But it's not really good, because I really doubt anyone will care what grades I got in college when I'm writing a book or touring with a band.  But, I digress.

Lots of funny things happened on the trip.  Mostly, it consisted of a lot of driving, and a lot of eating, and a lot of pooping.  In fact, this seems incredible, but on I-65 entering Kentucky, within a mile of the state line, there is a 24 hour porn super store.  What is more incredible is that this porn store is located in the middle of a strip mall that was completely abandoned.  There are the remenants of stores throughout, but all have been abandoned for some time.  The only other thing that is still in business is the strip club (unfortunately, that was not open at 545 on a tuesday morning).  Anyway, to add to the sheer remarkability of this, 12 miles down the road, there is another porn store that is open 24/7, and that is also a former tourist information center.  

To be honest, there was a lot of funny stuff that happened.  However, my current busy schedule of drinking does not allow for much discussion of it.  So, I will bid farewell here and just conclude with:  Yes, I did have fun on my trip, thanks for asking.    More to come later.

xoxoxo

Joe

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Neglecting this thing like my health

So, dreadfully sorry for the complete lack of updates.  I've been busy with a lot of things.  Mostly procrastinating.  Procrastinating seems to take up a lot of my time actually.  I waited until 12 hours before it was due to start my 8 page research paper.  All of these late nights and caffeine binges, however, are pretty much guaranteeing the fact that my health currently sucks.  I woke up this morning coughing and feeling like I had just been steamrolled.  So, thanks to my currently ailing health, I'm bombing Airborne like an AIDS patient, hoping that my immune system can make a Joe Montana comeback before the lack of sleep/liver abuse that is going to come next week in going to Chicago and Philadelphia.   

Needless to say though, I'm really excited.  This is the first time as an adult that I've been able to go on an out of state trip.  I probably would have gone last summer, or even the summer before that, but money has always been short, and gas has always been expensive.  Now is the perfect time though.  I'm ready to go and experience shit on my own in places I've never been.  Needless to say, I will be documenting this at any moment possible.  So expect some fun posts about that.  

Anyway, work, so l8er sk8ers.  

xoxox

Joe

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The endlesss struggle of wasps

I complain.  You complain.  We all, unfortunately, complain from time to time.  Anyone who says otherwise probably complains about people complaining too much, or complains about someone viewing the concept of complaining about complaining as legitimate complaining.

But there is a time when even I have to say that enough is enough.  

And yes, I realize that it is wholly ironic that I have a blog, much of which centers around complaining about things such as lack of sleep, shitty roommates, etc.  However, there is absolutely a time when complaining becomes wholly ridiculous and completely unnecessary.  Namely, when you don't try to do anything to fix what you're complaining about.  

Most people, unfortunately, hate their jobs.  But a lot of these people seem to complain constantly about jobs while ignoring some really simple solutions.  Personally, I've been employed pretty much constantly (minus college last year and a short duration of my senior year) since I was 16.  And believe me, I've had a lot of jobs.  A lot of shitty jobs too, wooo boy.  Shitty jobs with piece of shit managers that weren't fair, ever.  I used to bitch a lot about my jobs with shitty managers a lot too.  But, through all of these crappy jobs with unfair managers, I learned how to deal.

I learned.  I learned that life is really unfair sometimes.  I learned that, sometimes, no matter what you do, it seems like you can never get ahead.  I learned that, in the real world, you shouldn't live with a sense of entitlement, because reality sucks sometimes, and the world isn't fair.  Need evidence?  Look at the fact that some of the most brilliant minds on the planet were a victim of their own circumstance.  Someone who lives in a shack, starving to death, with no running water in Nigeria could be the next Barry Sanders, Tupac, Usain Bolt, or James fucking Patterson, but because of their circumstances, they'll probably die before they turn 30.  Or, what about that adorably fugly Chinese girl who was supposed to sing the national anthem at the olympics, but because of how she looked, the government made her sing backstage so the cute one could show the world.  That's a fucking circumstance that's a little hard to get around.  

See, in America, we have this cool thing called freedom.  Now, freedoms get abridged all the time, but hey, the basic ones are still there.  So, if you don't like your job, or you feel like you are being treated unfairly and not getting the kind of schedule that you believe you deserve, THEN FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, OR FUCKING LEAVE.  The thing about having a job that doesn't require a specific, particular skill set is that you have to bring something to the table that other people don't.  Personally, working in a restaurant, I try and assure that I don't get caught with down time.  I manage myself so my managers can worry about other things.  I run food, I clean shit, I do dumb errands that, in the grand scheme of the fucking place, probably don't significantly change anything.  But its the fact that my managers know that, when they schedule me, they get something that they don't get when they schedule other people.  By not doing that, and not even trying to be mildly exceptional, why would they put you on the schedule, when they can put someone else on, who will do their core duties as well as you?  That is like paying the same amount for a mazda as a beamer.  

I learned the hard way.  I spent 4 years in JROTC in high school working my ass off and working against an instructor that actively loathed me.  I went above and beyond what nearly everyone else in the program did, but in the end, I got stiffed.  Hard.  Life is unfair, but as a privileged, white, anglo-saxon, you have it a lot better off than plenty of other people in the world.   

In fact, be grateful you have a job, because there are a million people lined up with the same skills and something more than you don't offer.

RAH!

xoxox

Joe

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Not really related to much I post here

But I'm really excited.  

May 4th marks the beginning of an era.  An era where summer stagnancy will not be tolerated, and one where food and booze will be consumed, women will be pillaged, and horizons will be expanded. 

From May 4th (following my Film/Lit final), until May 10th, I along with a band of fellow alcoholic cohorts will embark on a journey to the promiseland: Chicago, IL.  From there, we will travel to America's Fattest City:  Cleveland, OH.  And then, rounding out the Oddysey-esque journey, will be the mecca of all things American (sort of):  Philadelphia, PA.  

I'm pretty fucking esctatic.