Dedicated to all human beings

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

So it's officially 16 days until the best weekend of my entire year. Yes, that's right folks, the Fest is on us again, and this lineup seems stronger than ever. Sure, I'm poor as fuck right now, but I do have a job, and I should have financial aid very soon (starting to sound like a broken record right?). So, I'm officially completely excited for life again.

For the uninitiated, The Fest (yes, that is what it's called), is a big independent music festival that has (this year, at least) upwards of 250 bands at 8 different venues between Halloween and November 2nd (although this is the first Fest Halloween, which gives my favorite week of the year a whole new connotation). Last year was my first time, and granted, I made a lot of rookie mistakes. However, I had the most fun of my entire life on Fest 6 weekend last year, and I expect that having been once and knowing what to expect, that this year will be even better.

Some of my very favorite bands on the entire planet are playing this year, and I couldn't be more stoked to get completely faded and listen to some of the best music in the world. Namely, The Lawrence Arms, and my buddies in A Wilhelm Scream and the Swellers. Not for nothing though, I always love to find new bands to randomly get into while waiting for other bands to start, like what happened last year with the band Shook Ones. It's just such a great cultural experience, knowing that 90 percent of the people there are really awesome, and that everyone is there for the same reason: enjoying some of the best music the worst bands have to offer.


So right now, I just found out that my first two classes tomorrow are both cancelled. This is pretty stellar, mostly because it means I don't have class until noon. So, in celebration of such an event, I'm drinking a traditional black and tan. Yeah, I'm aware that it's a total yuppie drink, but I did a few favors for my friend, he got me a nice little homemade variety pack of good beer (as well as a betta fish, who I've officially christened as "Lennox"), so I figured that there would be no better way to drink Guinness Extra Stout and Harp Lager. So, there is that.


So, I haven't done a good list in a while, and having alcoholics as friends, I thought I would try and document the 5 worst liquors ever. Granted, there are some things I haven't tried that I am absolutely sure are gutrot, but alas, this is all from experience.


Rum
Of any kind. Gold, silver, 151, doesn't matter. Rum is what high schoolers with an overactive libido drink. In fact, rum is probably the dumbest alcohol to drink in excess (trust me, I know). I was not always the seasoned drinking professional that I appear to be, and when I was in 10th grade, I used to drink rum too. That is, until I grew a brain and realized how horrible of a hangover that sugary drinks give you. I mean man, you have not experienced a hang-over until you've experienced a rum and coke hangover. It's got enough sugar to put a hummingbird into a diabetic coma. Rum is for middle schoolers, old men who listen to too much Jimmy Buffett, and sorority girls exclusively. Some people champion it's use as a hangover remedy after partying with too many synthetic drugs (although this begs the question, can you ever party with too many synthetic drugs?), but honestly, drink sparks instead. It is at least tolerable in taste.


ABC Vodka
This is kinda like saying shit from Walmart sucks, but honestly, this is the most gutwrenching vodka ever that it can't not get a spot on this list. Yeah, so it's 100 proof. Yeah, so it's 7 dollars a bottle. Yeah so, it will without a doubt get you completely faded. But honestly, how could you justify something that will make you vomit even when drinking weak cran-vodkas. I don't even want to know what this garbage tastes like straight up.


Gin
If you are capable of stomaching gin, more power to you. I personally think it's straight up bottled acid, but I guess if you are capable of downing that as fast as my parents do while watching Grateful Dead tribute bands, then you should probably do this. Gin drinkers are generally either classy, or dangerous in appeal due to drinking gin. This, of course refers to "good" gin like Tanqueray and not the ghetto swill that bums drink

Honest to God bad beer
And yes minions, it does exist out there, and chances are, you have probably drank a lot of it. Bad beer can kind of be a fuzzy area, but really, there are some that are so undisputably terrible that are worth noting. Most clear-cut offenders include: Natty Light/Ice, Busch/Busch Light, Keystone/Keystone Light, Coors Light, Miller Genuine Draft. Now a beer like Schlitz kinda sits on the fence on this one. For one, it's super cheap, and that is absolutely apparent in it's taste. However, Schlitz does have the upside of having really cool/unique packaging, and as such, makes you look a little less douchey. But it's a toss up on that one.

Scotch
Okay so while I do find Jim Beam drinkable, and Jack Daniels marginally okay, Scotch and most other types of whisky are possibly the grossest shit ever. It completely baffles me how anyone can drink this shit and not want to throw up completely. I know I did back when I was going through Kindergarten for the second time.

Anyway, so I really need to eat breakfast and finish up a journal for my advanced expository class like asap, because I have class starting at 1:30.

-Joe