Albucrazy!i!i!i!

So, sometimes I sit down in front of my computer, and open up blogspot to post, and I'm just at a loss for words. It happens. I mean, let's face it, I've cranked out some pretty good entries, but also a couple of real stinkers. Now normally, I end up writing a pretty good entry to bounce back from the shitty, inspirationless ones. Tonight, I sat down and honestly believe that the blog I was about to crank out was going to be a stinker. And then god, for once in my life, threw me a bone. And this bone is called Brokencyde.

Now, the word itself (consequently, the name for what is inarguably the shittiest group of human beings attempting to make sounds and record them), didn't mean anything to me. That was, until I saw this video, which you all must watch too, or the rest of what I have to say will make no sense, and our common perception of what is "terrible" will not ever jive:



Now, are you done watching that? Good.

Wow. That is my only sensical reaction to that. I can't possibly put into words what I'm feeling, nor can I adequately describe what my facial expression was upon hearing a chunk of their discography. I mean. I really have thought many a time that I've heard some of the worst music ever. I really really thought that there could not be much worse than Four Letter Lie, or Hinder, or fuck, any number of horribly shitty bands that I've been subjected to throughout the years. But no. Apparently, I was very fucking wrong.

I mean, I could sit here and senselessly rant, but why rant when I can just use unbiased descriptions to show how bad they are, and hopefully convince everyone to listen to them? I mean, the first song I heard was the video that I posted above, a particularly difficult turd to swallow known as "Freaxxx". I mean, the chorus is literally "Let's get freaky/let's get fucking freaky now". But also, add in some awesome screeches of "LIAR" by some guy who sounds like an 8 year old throwing a temper tantrum. For anyone who has ever seen that video where that kid's older siblings were giving him shit over his myspace and he was freaking out and screeching, that is pretty much what this dude sounds like. Unfortunately, I don't have that video, mostly because I'm a total dickhead, and well, you know. Whatever.

Anyway, some of the other gems include a cover of the Flo-Rida song "Low". You know, the apple bottom jeans song or something like that. Yeah, imagine the shittiness of that song, but instead of the marginally catchy melody, it's replaced with the same screeching. Yeah. And it only gets worse. I mean. Fuck. They even named a song "BREE BREE" (Bree, for those unaware, is the "screamo" style of screaming that is pretty much incoherant and unhealthy screaming). I mean, I'm really at a loss. I can't tell if this is the best, funniest, and most self-aware joke band to ever exist, or just the absolute worst group of musicians on the entire planet. I'm really vexed as to if this group is actually trying to be good or not. I just can't believe that anyone could try to be this bad.

I mean, okay. There are certain things that kinda signal to me that it has to be a joke. I mean, look at their genres on myspace. Crunk/screamo/techno. And I mean, that sounds like a funny combination, but it's actually semi-accurate in this case, and it scares me to think that a band actually makes music with this sound as a target. So I mean, maybe it isn't a joke. What if they are actually serious? I mean, we elected a black president in 2008. Not much is honestly far out of the question anymore. I'm suddenly confronted with the thought of the possibility of something so absolutely terrible existing that maybe the republicans were right and Obama is actually the anti-christ rising.

But, just so I can sleep, I'm going to believe that this band is just meant to be funny. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, tomorrow I'm getting new tires, which excites me quite a bit. I'm ready to not be squealing everywhere I drive.

-Joe