Brad and I's conversations about life on FB chat. procrastination/pedophilia included

Brad

i wrote my week in rage earlier

12:19amJoe

I read it

I would have commented, but I'm busy smashing my skull into concrete

12:19amBrad

lol

12:19amJoe

because I really hate how fucking brilliant I am

at procrastinating

12:19amBrad

oh?

oh

12:20amJoe

I seriously pick up awful habits

just to find new ways to procrastinate

12:20amBrad

heroin?

12:20amJoe

no

but I normally don't smoke cigarettes unless I'm wasted

however, a cigarette break provides a great little endeavor away from getting things done

didn't drink coffee at all until I realized

oh hey

if I'm up later, I'll have even more time to put it off

all of a sudden, sleep is out of the equation

12:21amBrad

lol

12:21amJoe

with no sleep, well what the fuck, I can stay up all night putting this paper off!

and I dunno why I'm so fucking like

hard headed

the paper is only a page

but it's a page on analyzing shit I haven't read

with techniques that I don't have a fucking clue as to how to apply them

12:22amBrad

god, the other night im hanging out with some friends and i get hit on by a 16 year old sister

12:22amJoe

did you gag her?

12:22amBrad

i should have

12:22amJoe

yes or no question brad.

12:23amBrad

big no

12:23amJoe

F

A

I

L

Brad

HOWEVER

im getting a miley cyrus mask to put over her redheaded brace face

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There you have it. I'm still sitting here getting nothing accomplished.

Fuck me sally.

xoxo,

Joe

Nothing to read.

Sorry for the lack of updates lately. School has been a miserable cunt and online classes have slowly been consuming my life. It's pretty unfortunate actually. I can't even remember the last time I really went out out. It kinda sucks actually, but hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things soon enough and be back to my normal antics. What sucks the most about having online classes is that, not only do they encourage procrastination, but also, I feel like I can't do anything fun while I'm online if my class stuff isn't done. Quite frankly, I feel very guilty that I'm writing this blog and not reading to fill out a discussion posting that is overdue on something that I don't care about.

Anyway, lame filler post. Nothing to read here. I'm still alive, if anyone reading this cares all that much. Something good soon, promise.

-Joe

And you must be the monopoly guy

Orlando is a pretty great place to live. I'm not particularly married to my farce of an educational institution, nor am I particularly infatuated with the veritable shit-ton of amusement parks and other such touristy crap that everyone and their uncle seems to know Orlando for. I'm really out of shit to write, as the past week or so has been draining as all hell and I'm fed up with just about everything else on the planet. So, here's some filler shitz about a couple of places that I really like in Orlando. I'll save everyone the Hot Dog Heaven rant because we've all heard it 300 times before.

Lazy Moon-
I used to think Lazy Moon was probably one of the most hopping eateries in the UCF area, but I guess apparently it's not so much. Lazy Moon is great because of the fact that they do pizza by the slice, but their pizza is fucking enormous. Literally, one side of a slice is the length of my forearm. For just a slice of cheese, I think it's like 3.30, but you can add a shit-ton more stuff to it for a pretty marginal price. Also, the best part about this is that they have a deal where you can get that same slice of cheese and a pint of PBR (Arguably one of the greatest beers ever) for 3.60. For those playing the home game, a pint of pbr ends up being 30 cents. Can't go wrong, especially with their large selection of special/good/expensive/cool/ and/or cheap beers on hand. Great place.

xoxo,

Joe

SOONER or later, the Gaytors will go down

haha, funny right?

Man do I intensely not like the amount of hype that Florida gets. Anyway, here's something interesting. My friend John and I started this website where we're going to document stupid things people do that affect our lives and other funny minutia. Check it out. It's not fully 100% yet, as we still don't really have the weirdo wordpress thing figured out, but when it is, I'll repost the link. Keep checking back for updates because that's probably going to be where I post a lot of the more widely accessible funny stuff. As if I'm funny or something -_-.

http://www.whysodumb.com

I have my own seperate section, but until we link all the pages together, just go there for the most part. Until that happens, expect all regular posts on here.

Anyway, continuing on, today was the beginning of another semester of third-tier state university education for me. Unlike last semester when I had all my classes on Tuesday and Thursday, today I only had 2/4 classes. These classes, ideally, were separated by an hour and a half window which, as hard as I tried, was unable to be filled with anything. So I should have an hour or so break between classes, which I'm sure I'll use to an overwhelming extent to do homework. However, after leaving my apartment at 20 til noon to try and find parking, I ended up getting to class like a minute late because of the inherent clusterfuck with UCF parking. In this minute, I determined a few things:
1. Our professor was not there
2. This class looks like it will be thoroughly torturous
3. We were not going to be in class for more than two more minutes

After my class got out at promptly 12:03, it occurred to me that I was 2 hours and 57 minutes away from having another class. After the initial bout of anger, I killed time and made it to my intro to hospitality course (a 1000 level class, pretty much all freshmen). In this, of course, because it was a mostly freshmen class, we were required to do some idiotic ice breaker where the other half of the room would have to come over, pick a partner, and learn shit about them like name, hometown, major, and "what would you do if you knew you could never fail". Of course, because this was a freshman class at a third tier state university, all of the answers sucked, a lot. Some people tried to be funny and failed. Some people tried to be deep, and bombed. Some people tried to be honest, and their answers were still either shitty or cliche. Now I realize that it seems like I'm casting unfair judgment, but here is why I will provide a list of some of the worst answers that I can actually remember. No order really, just whatever comes to mind:

Cure cancer/aids-
This was a big one. Even if your life has been affected by cancer and/or AIDS, this is merely a bullshit cop-out for an answer. Plus, in the grand scheme of life, cancer and AIDS need to exist. This isn't the fucking notebook, and not everyone can just die of natural causes (Which cancer sort of is anyway, but I digress). Just a dumb predictable answer that says to everyone "I'm boring and unexceptional and trying to not look like a selfish twat".

Take a cross-country road trip-
This was actually one that the fat bro who picked me used. Granted, he tried to avoid it at first, but not wanting to look like a total tard in front of a class of nearly 70, I immediately picked one that, if nothing else, was at least worth a chuckle. He however, came up with nothing. In fact, just to save his ass (and look like a sharp witty brat, as well) I was just going to say "He says that if he could do anything, it would be 'shit, I don't know what to write'". Because maybe half the class would have gotten it, and that would have been like iridescent paint under a black light telling me which members of the class to consider as human beings with a functioning brain stem. But no, instead he picked "take a cross country road trip". Firstly, unless you're a bleeding imbecile with very little skill for forward planning (especially ironic in a hospitality MANAGEMENT class), I think it's pretty difficult to fail at driving across the country. Really, as long as you have enough money, you can solve just about any problem that comes up along the way. Regardless, that was his answer, and it instantly made me feel like a flailing dick for having to read that outloud.

Scuba-dive-
Of course the bitch from Maine would say this. Now, not to say that there aren't plenty of ways to fail at scuba diving (getting the bends, running out of air, rubbing against fire coral, etc) because there are, but none of these things are very common at all in terms of people actually doing them. In fact, scuba diving really only has a couple of things to remember. One, keep breathing constantly and don't hold your breath. Two, don't shoot straight up to the surface. Three, don't touch anything that is red and/or moving. If you do that, I'm pretty sure you're fine. It's really NOT that hard. If this is the ONE thing you would do out of literally anything in the world, you are really wasting that get out of jail free card aren't you?

Be a psychic and a race car driver-
Wow, epic fail attempt at being funny? Hey dude, I know you're new to this whole college thing, but your Ren and Stimpy brand of humor was kind of not funny when you started it in middle school. Grow up a little and make jokes about dead hookers or something.

Be an NFL coach (girl saying this)-
Wanna hear a funny joke? Women's rights. Ha ha! Yeah, this is just me being a dick and being upset that no matter what class I'm in, apparently it has to talk about feminism in some way or another. Sad panda.

Rob a bank-
Cool, so now instead of finding out the hard way that you're a materialistic whore, I know without ever having to say a word to you. Thanks for saving me the trouble.

Kill Sarah Palin-
Not funny Joe, that's just creepy. Stop bloging and attempting to be funny and failing. Everyone laughing? Yeah, it's probably because what you said rly disturbed them. Oh well!

Anyway, more from the State University Circus to come later. Go Sooners?

xoxo

Joe

I'm dying to tell you

So thanks for anyone that took the time to read my last blog. I appreciate the feedback I did get about it, but it was a bit too much to respond to individually. However, one comment by some anonymous person did really necessitate an answer, as I don't want people to assume things that aren't necessarily true.

The comment was as follows, verbatim: "so i assume that you dont want anyone to share your hijinks with, you dont want anyone to accompany you on this journey you call your life?
not now, not ever?"

Valid point, as I do seem pretty adamantly anti-relationship in my writing. I thought I had made it clear that it was really juvenile people trying to masquerade as adults that I had a problem with. My main focus was supposed to be about how I don't think that romantic relationships are necessary or helpful with fostering growth during the teens and twenties of one's life. The world just begins to present itself to you at those ages, and I don't think that having a spouse or a highly committed partner helps to foster the exploration of everything the world has to offer.

However, I did also make sure to include the fact that I'm not opposed to relationships at all. In fact, I think a good relationship is a great thing to have, but I don't feel like it's necessary to actively seek a relationship just for the sake of being romantically occupied. In fact, I think that is exceedingly unhealthy and can lead to a lot of problems later on in life. So many people in my generation seem to base their happiness on whether or not they are in a relationship, and frankly, it's a little sad. I mean granted, maybe I'm just coming out of left field. It's true that I haven't been in a relationship for well over two years now and maybe this is just some sort of subconscious contempt towards the idea, especially with how limiting my ex was. But that's another story for a different blog and another day entirely.

Now to state outright that I wouldn't consider a relationship right now would be completely presumptuous and asinine on my part. Of course, I'd be retarded to not consider the possibility for a relationship that seemed as if it would have a more positive impact on my life. Hell, I can think of a person or maybe two who I would love to see something develop beyond friendship. But the fact of the matter is that neither of these people look like they hold enough of an interest to actively pursue anymore, and that is just the way things happen sometimes. It's life, and I'll worry about more important things that I can control right now.

And as for the future, who am I to predict what happens next? Hell, in the next 24 hours, I could meet the woman of my dreams, or die in a fiery car accident. Only time can tell what lies ahead, which is why I tried to actively avoid saying that I didn't want to get married or anything like that. I don't know if I could ever see myself getting married, but if these first twenty years have taught me anything, it is to expect the unexpected. One day you could be gainfully employed and enjoying a break from school, and the next day you could be holed up in a hospital, facing two solid months of rehab. I try not to live too far ahead of myself at any point, and I hope this came across in the previous post. I've learned to take things each day at a time, and just hope to be able to be satisfied with the footprint I've left on the world when I'm gone.

cumshots and broken hearts,

-Joe

What will I be like when I get old?

I hope I'll still be just like I am now. Not necessarily unchanged, but not succumbing to the weird ailment of aging like so many people around I see.

As the days continue to pass on by, I've watched people come and go. In retrospect, 20 years is not as long as I once thought it to be. I can remember back 10 years ago to my 10th birthday actually and it doesn't seem like it was really all that long ago. To think that I've double in age since then, and that I'm charging towards 21 with an alarming speed, is really a little frightening. Even more frightening is how fast people my age are barreling towards full fledged adulthood.

I feel like I'm one of the few people in my generation who's even aware of what's going on. I'm one of the few who is paying attention to the fact that our days of irresponsibility are all numbered, and I'm one of the fewer who seems to be not charging headlong into it. I'm not in a committed relationship. I'm not looking for a committed relationship (although I'm not opposed to one, either). I'm not thinking about the possibility of having children, and, on a much heavier note, I don't have children (which is more than I can say for a lot of my coworkers). I'm not looking forward to the idea of marriage, and chances are, I probably won't get married. To me, these things aren't comfort or safety; they're obstacles. None of my goals and dreams revolve around anything routine, so for me, children, family, wife, growing up, and steady jobs just don't appeal. I'm not the white picket fence type to say the least.

It seems as if I'm one of the few of my generation who doesn't want this, and it seems that I'm the only one who is absolutely opposed to these things prior to the age of 30. I find it particularly perplexing about how anyone around my age is willing to settle down. I'm wondering where anyone gets the feeling that they've seen it all after a few months/years of being on his or her own. I'm pained to see people moving so fast at such a young age.

Has everyone around me failed to realize that you only experience your twenties once? Has everyone also failed to realize that the divorce rate (which generally hovers between 40-50%) doesn't discriminate? The person you feel like you couldn't be possibly better suited for is just as likely to cheat on you with a group of transsexual prostitutes/get tag teamed by the gardeners as the couple at the table next to you. Human relationships are dynamic and volatile things. Making a pact in terms of absolutes like marriage immediately changes the dynamics of the relationship, whether or not anyone wants to admit it. And to the argument of "well this is the best person I've ever met, or could imagine meeting", I ask if it's impossible to have something unimaginable happen? Because really, how perfect will your puppy love relationship seem when the unimaginably better person comes along? And how unimaginable did it seem that you would fall in love to such an extent in the first place?

This is a call to my generation: Wake up, and realize that what you have will eventually be gone. Whether it's your age, your health, or your spouse. I don't mean to sound pessimistic and jaded, but 6 billion people on Earth doesn't mean you should be glued to one for your whole life. Marriage, as well as relationships in general, do nothing but to limit the amount of people and things you experience as a singular person. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live, but I can't possibly understand how fulfilling a life is where you're fooling yourself into thinking that what you have is perfect. Sometimes, we all need to be a little selfish. In closing, I leave you with a mildly out-of-context quote. The meaning of it here is essentially the same though.

"Why should you need someone else to invent your happiness?"-Chuck Klosterman; Downtown Owl

xoxo

-Joe

New Years shenanigans

Well hello, fellow cocks and vags.

It's officially a couple days after new years, meaning that I've been a lazy bastard and haven't updated worth a hell since Tuesday. However, in my defense, New Years was pretty phenomenal this year, which lead to me feeling like a giant bag of ape piss for the past few days. New Years for me currently carries more obligations than just partying to ring in the new years: I also have two close friends who have their birthday on January 1st. For one of their celebrations, we decided collectively to do the Waterford Wobble. For this, it involves going to each bar inside of Waterford (which is like a big shopping center thing in Orlando, for those unaware) and having at least one drink. Note: there are 18 bars inside of Waterford, including Chuck ee Cheese. And while we didn't make it to ALL 18, mostly because of the fact that it was new years eve and many of them closed early, we did put a pretty significant dent.

All in all, the WW was a great time, minus the injuries incurred. I had already had a sprained foot, and all of the walking just made it consistently worse over the course of the night. Combine this with being the victim of one of those treacherous "lol someone get in the shopping cart so we can throw it into a curb" deals, which lead to a beautifully bruised kneecap (which, in retrospect, probably should have been a broken knee cap), and being the victim of a botched attempt at a piggy back ride, which culminated in landing on a curb. Thankfully though, my lower back was there to break my fall. You know.

After ringing in the new year with probably some of the most piss cheap champagne I've ever tasted, our group of shenanigan causers caught wind of a large party with lots of alcohol and shitty local bands, so that was obviously a no brainer. At one point during this party (which might have been a lot better if we had gotten there before 2 am), I found a group of two girl. One of these girls was attractive, and the other was very very fat. However, the fat one had weed, and while I don't personally smoke, I do know of two friends who were really desperate for weed that night, and as such, I made it my personal goal to try and flirt the weed out of this girl. Needless to say, even my stratospheric levels of drunk charm didn't play out as I had expected. Here it also became apparent that no matter how much I drink, I'm still not the stupidest person on the planet, and I say this because of one person I talked to while I was there. This person was a reasonably cute girl holding the typical red solo cup filled with some intoxicating substance, and up until this point, and intelligent and engaging person. Our conversation went as follows:

Her: I'm excited! Tonight is my night to celebrate!
Me: Oh really? Why is this?
Her: Well, I just found out that my liver disease is in remission
Me: ...

Now, to put this in terms of AIM emoticons, my face looked kind of like this: 0.0

Yeah, apparently though, I really made no attempts to cover up this face, as I was then called a "judgemental dick" and was told that I didn't "understand" and as much as I tried backpedaling and tried to get her to explain why I didn't understand, this just caused the waterworks to be brought out in full effect. Needless to say, at this point, I began to realize that my night at least, was winding down.

Waking up the next morning was one of those surreal moments that you only see in movies. I woke up and immediately started panicking because I was contrained by sheets and pantsless. Immediately, in my hungover stupor, I thought that I was kidnapped. Sweet.

Needless to say, successful evening, minus all of the injuries. But now, it's time for a bit of a break. Regular coverage of "Who gives a shit events in Joe's life" will continue, probably tomorrow, while I'm not looking forward to starting class on monday.

xoxo

Joe